Thursday, February 15, 2007

Thursday Thirteen: Possible Sperm Donors

Since Mrs. Nator and I have discussed having kids a few times recently, I thought I'd dedicate this Thursday to thirteen gentlemen who might be acceptable babydaddies for our spawn.

1. Neil deGrasse Tyson. Incredibly brilliant, handsome and funny? Tyson is a leading astrophysicist, the director of the American Museum of Natural History's Hayden Planetarium, a columnist for Natural History Magazine, the author or coauthor of six books and a witty match for Jon Stewart in his guest spots on The Daily Show. This one is a no-brainer. I mean the pick, not him. Ba-dump-bump.
Alternate: Kip Thorne. Sorry, Hawking, ALS might be genetic.

2. Nelson Mandela. 'Nuff said.
Alternate: Muhammad Yunus. Another brilliant Nobel Peace Prize Winner, currently working to end world poverty. What more can you say?

3. David Bowie. If David Bowie is not one of the coolest, most artistically brilliant men on the planet, I don't know who is. Also, he once spoke to me after stepping on my hand. Really!
Alternates: Rufus Wainwright, as long as the spoiled ego doesn't carry through, or Daniel Craig: English. Cool. HOOOOTTTT.

4. Tiki Barber. Anybody who has been reading this blog long enough knows I loves me some Tiki. Not only is he one of the best running backs to play in the NFL, but he's smart, a shining example of old-fashioned sportsmanship in a game that's become filled with conceited prima donnas, and totally H-O-T-T. I'm going to miss seeing him play for the Giants, who he pretty much carried on his back to the playoffs the last couple years, but I think NBC had the right idea in snapping him up for Today. With his instant likability, crisp delivery and that sweet smile, women all over the U.S. are going to be tuning in to NBC in the morning. Trust me, I'm about as lesbian as you can get, and I still squeal "oooh, Tiki!" every time I see him.
Alternate: Tom Brady, who would get his own entry if Mrs. Nator didn't have something against him.

5. Sir David Attenborough. Unparallelled naturalist and journalist, he has raised awareness of environmental issues and made people the world over fall in love with animals.
Alternates: Animal Planet's snake-handling hottie Jeff Corwin, or Fabien Cousteau, grandson of Jacques and People magazine's "Sexiest Man of the Sea", 2002. How do you say grrrr-OW in dolphin?

6. Sir Ian McKellan. A brilliant actor, witty raconteur, activist, sexy and gay as the day is long. Every time Mrs. Nator and I see him we pine to have him as our friend and mentor. What more could you want?
Alternate: Tim Gunn. Squeee!!!

7. Jamie Hyneman. A modern Rennaissance man, Hyneman has done some seriously cool stuff. Build a killer robot for Battle Bots? Check. Run a SCUBA diving business? Check. According to his bio, he's even wrangled animals. His work ethic, organization skills, drive and smarts are all impressive, and he's clearly a sexy gay daddy type, even if he wants to claim he's married to a woman.
Alternate: Christopher Meloni. Just because he's hot. (And how many biographies prominently include the phrase "sociopath bisexual serial killer"?)

8. Michael Fay. No, not the kid who got caned in singapore. This Michael Fay is the ecologist who completed the Megatransect, a 2000 km across Africa, and the MegaFlyover, a 70,000 mile photographical survey of the continent taken from a small plane at low altitude. Not only does this guy love nature, but he's passionate about conserving it. Not to mention it couldn't hurt to carry the genes of a guy fit and determined enough to hike through huge tracts of jungle documenting every tiny detail.
Alternate: Hugo, AKA "Grub", the son of Dame Jane Goodall. Because maybe some of her would carry over.

9. Jon Stewart. Do I really have to explain?
Alternate: Larry Wilmore, partly for being the creator of The Bernie Mac Show, but mostly on the basis of this clip.

10. Dr. Kevin Fitzgerald from Animal Planet's Emergency Vets and E-Vet Interns. A laid-back, veterinary guru, he won my heart by saying that as a vet sometimes you get to save animals, and it's "good karma." He loves everything from pythons to malinois, is exteremly smart and skilled, kind and patient with animals and interns alike, and adventurous. How many veterinarians host their own show, perform stand-up comedy and have toured with George Clinton, The Rolling Stones and Bob Marley?
Alternate: Dr. Kevin Drygas, because he is a bright, up-and-coming veterinary surgeon who's learning from Fitzgerald, and is also clearly the hunk of the show.

11. Prince. Adewale-Akinnuoye Agbaje. Seal. Like Prince, Seal is very musically talented, and even worked with Wendy & Lisa - big points for that in my book. However, he is not as wierd, short, full of himself or Jehovah's Witness-y as Prince is.
Like Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Seal is British-Nigerian, charismatic, conscientious, spiritual and intense. His father's name was even Adebisi, the name of the character Akinnuoye-Agbaje played on OZ that made us love and fear him. So, best of both worlds, here. The only cons here are are that he may carry a genetic predisposition to the lupus which scarred his face and Heidi Klum might not approve. To which I say: he makes lupus scars look attractive, and Mrs. Nator can take Heidi in a fair fight any day.
Alternate: Taye Diggs. Actually, maybe Seal should be the alternate for Taye...

12. Fareed Zakaria. He may be a bit too centrist for my tastes, but has international relations punditry ever been more yummy? Of course, he'd be off the list if Christine Amanpour were a man.
Alternates: Nicolas Kristof, Lucian Perkins, Keith Olbermann.

13. The Olmos. Because he could act you to actual death, and is a passionate activist.
Alternate: Martin Sheen. He may not have facial scarring like Olmos, but knowing he produced Charlie Sheen bumps him to alternate.

Honourable mention: Ishmael Beah. Because even though I haven't read his book yet, any person who can recover from being an orphaned, forced child soldier on multiple drugs and become a positive, creative human being should have his genes spread around.

Naturally, this list is subject to change. Mostly, it should not be seen as evidence in a sudden interest on my part in actually having a baby soon. But I will give Mrs. Nator the allowance that if she can actually convince one of these men to donate, I will seriously consider it.

Well, the first few, at least.

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First Nations said...

ooooo, olmos. never woulda thoughta that. hot damn, not bad.

also i am all blushing.

now i have to look up all the other ones i never heard of. why; i don't know, I had a tubal ligation years ago. it's just nice to see whats out there i guess.
what about regis philbin????

Helen said...

I am so happy that I'm not the only one with a yooge...YOOGE crush on Dr. Fitzgerald! He's just so...dreamy, somehow. I only wish I'd have met him when I lived in Denver...alas...

Good list, though. If you get semen from almost any of those guys, save any leftovers for me.
(That sounded really gross, but you know what I mean.)

claire said...

Heee. Dr. Fitzgerald is my favorite, too. I loved the one where he saved the baby bunny and let him go in the cemetary. So sweet.

Also - Seal should definitely be alt to Taye Diggs. Mmm...

Anonymous said...

Babe, there will be no Sheen DNA in this family, no matter how brilliant an activist the Sheen patriarch may be.

And I am deeply hurt by the omission of Joe Flanigan.

Also? Hyneman to number 1 with a bullet.

Da Nator said...

Yay! Dr. Fitz fanclub! I am thinking of moving to Denver and just camping out on his lawn, so he'll make me his disciple...

In case anyone is interested, that last comment was from the infamous Mrs. Nator (I've been urging her to comment on my posts). She likes Joe Flanigan from Stargate Atlantis, but I'm not impresed by him. I wanted to substitute Viggo Mortensen for him, but she thinks he's kinda bleh and pretentious, so niether one made the cut.

Also? I think she likes Hyneman so much because he is the most like me. Really! Except he's actually DOING the things I'm interested in, rather than, you know, thinking about them.

But I'm cuter.

Nancy said...

mmmm...Jon Stewart, Larry Wilmore...haven't watched the Vet, so I'm just fishing the gene pool blind, so to speak, but I'm liking Larry so far- but if he's already booked, it's Jon any day of the week...

And don't stop writing! Maybe one day we can both quit our day jobs and write full time...especially if I wind up selling my tell all "I Bore Larry Wilmore's Secret Love Child" book!

protected static said...

How do you say grrrr-OW in dolphin?

I don't know, but I think it involves rubbing yourself on their knees and going eek-ek-ek-ek-ek-ek over and over again.

Doug said...

I'm flabbergasted. Olbermann only gets runnerup status? I'd think he'd be primo sperm donor material -- tall, goodlooking, funny, intelligent. A blockbuster!

I loved this Thirteen, DN.

oneofhismoms said...

I can see you changing the daiper of Tim Gunn's baby while s/he says "Make it work."

I think you an Mrs. Nator need to get cracking on that spawn thing. But install an elevator in your apt bldg first.