Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Brooklyn's Got Talent

Lots of talent. And I've got... a little tiny piece of it.

Which means, aside from working feverishly to catch up in school and get my grades up (which is going... well, it's going), plus beginning to kick the search for any kind of semi-decent paying job into high gear (two interviews with temp agencies coming up, and pouring over listings on the student employment site and various others), I've had a little bit something good going on. I got some unexpected recognition for some of my photos.

Yep, when I recently checked my Flickr account for the first time in weeks, I had two requests to use some of my photos. One of them was a request to us this photo as a slide for a Remembrance Day musical performance in Vancouver. It's a local theatre project and pays nothing, but I was surprised and tickled to have someone just randomly discover one of my photos and ask to use it. I will get some sort of credit in the program, I'm told.

The second request came from a representative at, a MasterCard promotion site that posts people's stories and photos of "priceless" experiences they've had. I guess she was searching Flickr, trying to drum up interest in their site, and she liked this set of my photos, because she asked me to submit a brief description of them and let them post them there. This one actually pays something, too. A nominal amount, really, but it's the first time anyone's paid me anything for my photos, so... neat, eh?

Anyway, it's nice to get a little encouragement and recognition while I'm so stressed out about other things. Now if only I could start making more money off my photography, maybe I wouldn't have to resort to temporary admin assistant work to get by for a while... sigh.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Habblthy Habbloweenthbl! is having their annual Halloween Freakiest Fish Contest. While I don't think any of this year's nominees are quite as disturbing as last year's winner, the Blobfish (aka Fathead, see above), it's always fun to see some of the alien life forms our deep seas have to offer. So, go vote. I'll let you know who I voted for, if you tell me who you picked.

P.S.: For some more fun, freaky fish fotos, check out the links from this page. The specimens seen are from deep-sea expeditions, not the tsunami, as labeled, but they are certainly interesting. My favourite has got to be the spotted pink gunard. How is that not an Sanrio character?

Friday, October 26, 2007

Sugar and Blood: The Definitive Halloween Candy List IV

I don't know, I'm running out of titles.

Anyway, it's that time of year, again. Since my favourite holiday is approaching (and I'm recuperating from the week of Cramming and Exam-ing Hell), it's time to repost the old Halloween candy list.

I sure wish I could go down to my mom's and help her give out candy next week. Stupid Thursday morning class. Halloween should allow for the next day off, so kids can come down from their sugar highs and induced vomiting, and adults can come down from their drunken apple bobbing, inhalation of smoke machine fumes and... induced vomiting. Stupid America.

Anyway, what with all that's been going on, the most I've got going on to celebrate is that I had a couple completely melted Reese Peanut Butter Cups the other day. Oh, and my mom gave me a tiny, acorn-squash sized pumpkin. Um... woo.

Perhaps it's just as well. I'm sure if I had my own house in an area where kids still trick-or-treat, I couldn't just stop at jack-o-lanterns and black lights. I'd have to blow ridiculous wads of cash on decorations, effects, and possibly even turning my living room into a haunted maze. Since that's not in the cards, maybe I'll get lucky next year and FN will fly me to her house to celebrate Satanically. Uh, I mean, properly.

So, on to the list. As usual, my disclaimer is that it features the major candy food groups of my youth, and therefore your definitive list may vary depending on your age and where you grew up. What would you add or remove?

$100,000 Bar Chewy caramel, milk chocolate and crispy crunchies. Later changed to "100 Grand," which annoyed me, 'cause I liked the old jingle.

3 Musketeers Puffy nougat covered in milk chocolate. Light and sweet. The major appeal for me was the cool Musketeers emblem. I always wanted to be a Musketeer.

5th Avenue Probably my favourite of the crunchy peanut stuff in chocolate variety, just because of the swank name and wrapper design.

Almond Joy & Mounds Because sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't! Have I mentioned I really dig coconut?

Apple Watch out for razor blades!

Astro Pops I know a kid on Gun Hill Road who got his eye put out by one of those things!

Atomic Fire Balls The classic hot cinnamon ball of the time. Only a quick burn before you got to the sweet part.

Bar None bar A brief-lived chocolate, wafer and nut bar. Pretty good.

Baby Ruth Nuts, caramel and chocolate, in a fetching red-white-and-blue wrapper. The most interesting thing about this candy bar is the controversy over its name.

Bazooka gum Rock hard and covered in powder, an American classic. Came with cartoon strips that were never funny, and offers for items in exchange for 7 bajillion wrappers. Did anyone ever send in for those things?

BB Bat Hard taffy on a stick, like a fruity Sugar Daddy. Acceptable.

Beeman's gum (Blackjack, Clove & regular) VERY rare in my era of Trick-or-Treating but classic. Either you love 'em or you hate 'em. I fall on the loving side.

Big League Chew "The Original Tobacco style Bubble Gum!" Shredded gum in a pouch originally invented to turn ballplayers off from tobacco, but actually a great way to train your kids for the weed and the throat cancer. The best part of this was the ad campaign of ball players playing ball and blowing huge bubbles, and the drawings on the pouches that looked like they were by one of the Mad magazine illustrators.

Bit O Honey Almond bits blended into a honey flavored taffy. A danger to your fillings but sooooo addictive! If you were lucky enough to get a whole bar of these divided by the distinctive interwoven wax paper, you might try to save some for later - but always fail.

Blow Pops The classic sugary bubble gum inside a lollipop. A bit sweet for me, but fondly remembered.

Bonkers Your basic extremely artificial "fruit chew". Like Starbursts, but cheaper and waxier.

Boston Baked Beans Mere candy coated peanuts, yet somehow better than the sum of their parts. The colonial brick-style packaging whispered of patriotism in the bicentennial era. Seriously awesome.

Bottle Caps Sugar candy shaped like bottle caps. Some people loved 'em. To me? No big whoop.

Bubble Gum Cigars Another training device for smokers, these were generally made of low-class gum, although the banana variety was intriguing. Chocolate cigars also existed, but were rarer in Trick-or-Treat bags.

Bubble Yum One of the many of the multi-variety gums that came out during the 80s bubble-blowing-contest craze. Innocent times, man. Probably my favourite of the type.

Bubblicious Another of the big bubble gums.

Butterfinger A version of the crunchy peanut bar covered in chocolate. A bit crisper and sweeter than some of the others. Maybe too much so for me.

Butterscotch An olde-timey favourite, whether in disks, rectangles, balls or squares.

Candy Buttons Dots Oh, yeeaaahhh! Suckin' the nasty cardboard-y sugar from the soggy paper! Rock the f**k ON!

Candy & Bubble Gum Cigarettes Came in all different kinds of packaging designed to look like popular deathstick brands. Tasted like crap, but they made you look too cool and grown-up to resist.

Candy Corn Dare I say it? THE ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN CANDY. Brach's is the hands-down favourite version, made softer and richer with a touch of honey. "Indian" candy corn and even pumpkin and other novelty shapes are acceptable for kitsch value, but the standard orange, yellow and white type is still number one. Which section of each kernel do you eat first?

Candy Necklaces and Bracelets The number one way to be stylin' AND chip-toothed.

Charleston Chew Sort of a taffy-ish nougat in vanilla, chocolate or strawberry, covered in chocolate. They were a favourite with my older siblings, especially frozen into cement-like blocks. Not high on my list back then, but bring some nostalgia.

Charms Square hard fruit candies. Whatever. Good name, though.

Cherry Clan Ooh, me so racist! Later renamed to "Cherryheads" to go with the other varieties in the Lemonhead family, but who can forget the slanty eyed-little buggers in straw coolie hats? I think I was horrified even then.

Chiclets The name and advertising made them seem so fun, but really? Just little rectangles of hard gum. What a disappointment.

Chick-O-Sticks Apparently, these were quite popular with some people. I don't know if I ever ate one, as the once or twice I got one I mistakenly took it for a cylindrical form of Chicken-in-a-Biskit and traded them off.

Chocodiles Yes, one did occasionally get snack cakes in one's treat bag (or jack-o-lantern shaped plastic bucket, as the case may be), and if one did, it was most likely these, due to their popularity and the fact that they came in single packets. Basically a Twinkie covered in chocolate, but definitely a product kids of my generation were screaming for after seeing the lovable cartoon crocodile mascot, "Chauncey."

Choward's Violet gum and candies Not common in trick-or-treat sacks but a classic nonetheless. Taste like that perfume you were given as a kid. No, not the Love's Baby Soft, the Violet! Duh.

Chuckles Your standard sugar coated jelly-gum drops. Bleah.

Chunky Ah, yes. Your basic huge block of chocolate. My favourite was the raisin and nut variety. Open Wide For Chunky!

Circus Peanuts Evil. EEEEE-VIIIILLLLL!!!

Clark Bar Another one in the vein of 5th Avenue and Butterfinger. I believe this is the earliest version, though. Nice wrapper.

Cow Tails I didn't get many of these, but they are basically a long version of the Goetze's Caramel Creams. I never was sure whether I found the name attractive or off-putting.

Cracker Jack Not usually found in treat bags as the boxes were pretty big, but OH BOY if you got one! Slightly over-caramelized sugar on popcorn with peanuts, AND a surprise treat with a joke or riddle. Too bad the surprises have been getting lamer and lamer as time goes by.

Dentyne What the…? You've been given adult cinnamon gum! KAAAAHHHHHNNN!!!

Dots Another gum drop incarnation of the slightly firmer type. Meh.

Dubble Bubble Remember when you used to, like, blow a big bubble? And then, no wait, you would, like, blow ANOTHER big bubble INSIDE of that one? Yeah. You could do it with any other bubble gum, too.

Dum Dum Pops Does it get any more iconic? Root Beer and cream soda flavours were high on my list, but who could resist the mysterious "?" flavour?

Freshen Up A gum with a syrupy liquid inside. The commercials made it look like a huge burst of flavour. Not so much.

Fruit Stripe Gum Yipes, stripes! It's Fruit Stripe gum!! SOOOO awesome. That zebra! Those stripes! That strikingly tart-sweet fake fruit flavour that fades in seconds! And later on it came with temporary tattoos?! Bow before their majesty.

Garbage Pail Candy Hard, sour candy shaped like various pieces of garbage that came in a small replica of a garbage can. Dig it.Not to be confused with…

Garbage Pail Kids Candy A chewy candy that came with a card featuring one of the popular 80s gross-out cartoon characters, the Garbage Pail Kids. These kids were a phenomenon born from an unholy union of Rat Fink and Cabbage Patch Dolls. Not my cup of tea, but very popular.
Note: and yes, there was a Garbage Pail Kids movie.

GatorGum Gum made to taste like Gatorade. Hmm. Do I hate it, or do I love it? Well, I'll keep trying it to make up my mind.

Gobstopper Otherwise known as the Everlasting Gobstopper. Balls made up of layers of candy that change colours AND flavours as you suck them away. Pure genius!

Goetze's Caramel Creams Now this is old school, son. A little carboard-y, a lot sweet, 100% memory lane.

Goldenberg's Peanut Chews I think I just had an orgasm. Again, like the caramel creams, a bit oddly carboard-y, but rich and addictive. Slightly bitter dark chocolate surrounding a fudgy chopped peanut filling. And who else has the guts to include a name like "Goldenberg" in their candy's moniker?
NB: Since the original writing of this list it has come to my attention that the Goldenberg company has changed the old, familiar packaging to a new, "playful" version. I am not amused. What's next, "New" Coke? Oh, wait a minute...

Goobers Chocolate covered peanuts. Better known as movie snacks. 'nuff said.

Good & Fruity Cylindrical fruit gummi chews with a resistant coating. See Mike & Ikes. Meh.

Good & Plenty Charlie says: Love my Good & Plenty! The much loved licorice in snazzy white and pink candy coating. Not the most decadent of candies, but very classy.

Gummi Bears The first of the multi-flavour gummi incarnations. At one time, they were positively ubiquitous.

Gummi Worms A later gummi item. Softer and more popular amongst some kids due to the gross-out factor. Gummi continued to spawn umpteenthousand varities, with no doubt some gummi gonads in there somewhere.

Heath Bar A nut toffee bar with a slightly burnt taste, covered in chocolate. A more adult item, which made one feel classy because it contained the word "English" in the description.

Hershey's varieties (milk chocolate, dark chocolate, Mr. Goodbar, Krackel & various Kisses) Do I really need to elaborate, here? Standard fare. Big points for the special dark and Mr. Goodbars, especially since your friend at school told you that Mr. Goodbar was named after a dirty movie.

Hot Tamales Hot cinnamon version of Ike & Mikes… or is that Good & Fruity?

Hubba Bubba Another big-bubble gum, this time with cowboys in the commercials. I do think this one had the most flavours, though.

Ice Cubes Basically a cube of smooth, decent chocolate. Hmm.

Jaw Breakers Ow! OwOwOW! I bit through it!

Jelly Bellies jelly beans A bit more of an Easter snack, but well loved for its many varieties, despite the fact that it got tied in with Ronald Reagan, somehow.

Jelly Rings Ew.

Jolly Ranchers You know you traded them at school. What beats watermelon? Sour apple, my friend. Sour apple.

Junior Mints More movie oriented, but enjoyed in your treat box.(Did that just sound dirty?)

Jujubes A firm fruit gum drop.

Jujyfruits <Coach Z voice> Jeeorrgyfruits! </Coach Z voice> A firm fruit gum drop, but I think shaped like fruits. I don't know, I always traded 'em.

Kit Kat Gimme a break! Wafers and milk chocolate. Not high up there, but the chocolate was deceptively good.

Kits Taffy Weird little low-quality taffy bits. Why did we love them so?

Laffy Taffy Kicks Kits' butt, if just for the name alone. Not to mention the greater size.

Lemonheads (+Grapeheads and Appleheads) A series of slightly sour hard sucker candies. Lemonheads was the first and most popular.

Lifesavers Oh, you know. The only cool part was when you got something like Wint-O-Green so you could try to make sparks in your mouth or Butter Rum so you could think "Oooh, I'm eating RUM and my parents don't know it!"

Lifesaver Lollipops Do they still make these? Remember when they came in swirled flavours? Good times. The Crème Savers are just not the same. Bring them back. And while you're at it, where the hell are the Pudding Pops?!

Lik-M-Aid Wait, you get a stick of sugar, and you get to cover it in spit and then dunk into different varieties of sweet-sour powder? I am SO THERE.

M&Ms (plain and peanut) Old faithful. You know 'em. But remember when they were tan and not red?

Mallow Cup Truly seems like a candy Homer Simpson would have invented.

Marathon 1 inch by 8 inches of braided caramel covered with milk chocolate. Delicious, but discontinued. Now available as the "Curly Wurly." Who thought that one up?

Mars Bars Kind of like a milky way with almonds. Originally more often found in the UK.

Mary Janes Most people hated them, but I loved them. That peanutty taffy goodness! That coy, come-hither look on the little girl's face! Definitely a treat for a developing lesbian.

Melster Peanut Butter Kisses Much like Mary Janes, but with no name on 'em. Oh, come on, you remember them. They came in orange waxy twisted wrappers. Yes, they had a name. Yes, usually old people gave them out. Remember now?

Mike & Ike See Good & Fruity.

Milk Duds Chocolate sacs filled with milky caramel goodness! What's not to love?
(Shut up, Bunche.)

Milky Way You got your nougat, your caramel and your chocolate. Next.

Necco Wafers Why? Why on God's green Earth are these so beloved? I would have used them as poker chips, if they didn't all break in the bottom of my bag.

Neopolitan Coconut candies I know, ew. But, kinda yum, too.

Nerds A box with two separated flavours and some cute little cartoons really sold this one. Admit it - you loved 'em.

Nestlé Crunch (Yawn.) Moving along…

Now and Laters Eat some now and save some for later? Yeah, right. These rocked with a severe righteousness. Also, you could build up a little business of selling off the singles from the packs at a ridiculous markup to desperate kids in the cafeteria. What? No, I didn't end up a Wall Street trader…

Oh, Henry! Kind of like a Goldenberg's Peanut Chew, but bigger, sweeter and softer. Another one that's had some controversy over it's name.

Palmer's Chocolates You know the ones. Those little balls or discs covered in brightly decorated seasonal foil wrappers. You open them up and… the chocolate is seriously foul. They also made those chocolate footballs - you know, the ones that always ended up at the bottom of the bag as the dregs? I hear Palmer's has improved a lot since back then, but for now all ridiculously bad and disappointing off-brand chocolates will retain the name "Palmer's" in my mind.

Pay Day Gotta love me some peanuts. Of course, you can simulate these with a bowl of candy corn mixed with Planter's.


Planter's Peanut Bar Your basic very peanutty brittle thingy. Satisfying.

Pop Rocks Yes, they rocked. No, Mikey didn't die by eating them with Coke. Haven't you watched VH1?

Push Pops I don't know. These seem dangerous, somehow.

Rain-Blo Gum Er. Kinda lame hollow gumballs. Okay.

Raisinets Oh, you know.

Raisins Just... no.

Razzles "…first it's a candy and then it's a gum!" Unfortunately, the whole time it sucks.

Red Vines/Switzer's/Twizzlers Everybody has their favourite version of these, but they're basically red fruity "licorice". Only good in a pinch, as far as I'm concerned.

Reese's Peanut Butter CupsALL HAIL THE REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUP!!! So simple yet so perfect in it's salty sweet-ness, this was the number one sought-after item in my treat bucket. WOE BE TO THE MAN WHO EATS MY PEANUT BUTTER CUPS! I HAVE SPOKEN!

Reese's Pieces E.T…. phone home…
I'm sure Mars, Inc is still kicking themselves.

Reggie Bar Only memorable for having been named for Reggie Jackson.

Ring Pops Candy Bling!

Rolo You can roll a Rolo to your pal… but why would you? Save them all for yourself.

Root Beer Barrels Me and pappy used to suck 'em on th' porch at th' gen'ral store. Pappy liked 'em cause he didn't have no teeth.

Runts What was so good about pressed candy shaped like fruits? I don't know, but didn't you always save your favourite fruits for last?

Sixlets Gum Kind of like Rain-Blo but a bit better, and more attractively packaged, 'cause… there were six.

Skor Bar Another classy toffee bar variety, but this time with a harder butter toffee. And yes, I did know a girl who went on a Skor Bar diet in High School.

Sky Bar This candy bar is divided into four sections with four different centers... caramel, vanilla, peanut and fudge covered in milk chocolate. Pretty awesome, but it would be better if the candy itself were of higher quality.

Smarties/Rockets Little rolls of pill-like sugar candies. A bit overrated, in my book, but much reminisced over in pop culture.

Smith Bros. Cough Drops What, you never got these as a treat from some cheap-ass jokester? Hey, they were really candy, anyway…

Snickers A Milky Way with peanuts. What will they think of next?

Snowcaps Nonpareils, mon ami. But of course.

Sour Patch Kids One of the first seriously sour candies. Frightening, yet compelling.

Squirrel Nut Zippers Another peanutty taffy thingy. Very popular in the South. Got a band named after 'em.

Squirt Like Freshen Up, but more hyped.

Starburst Probably the best known of the fruit taffy chews. Remember when they only came in the yellow wrapper variety?

Starlight peppermints Okay, whose freakin' grandma put these in here? No, I do not want fresh breath, it's HALLOWEEN for f**k's sake!

Sugar Babies Mini, even sugary-er Sugar Daddies. Wow. That's a lot of sugar.

Sugar Daddy A caramelly thing on a stick. You know.

Sugar Mama A caramelly thing on a stick. Covered in chocolate.
That's one sweet chocolate mama!

Swedish Fish Originally only in red, probably the first popular gummi animal. How… Nordic.

SweeTarts Like they say, sweet…and tart.

Tangy Taffy Another taffy, this time from Wonka.

Teaberry gum What the hell is a teaberry? I don't know. But I feel very sophisticated chewing this gum.

Tidal Wave Bubble Gum See Squirt and Freshen Up. Enough, already!

Toffifay Marketed as a premium chocolate, this one captured my snobby little heart with it's "European" flavoured advertisements. A nougat enrobed hazelnut topped with a dollop of chocolate and placed in a caramel cup, it even came in a gold plastic tart-pan setting. Niiiiiiiice.

Tootsie Flavor Rolls Tootsie rolls in different flavours?! Let me try that…

Tootsie Pop Mr. Turtle, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?
I never made it without biting, ask Mr. Owl.
Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?
Let's find out. One… Two-whoooo… Three. CRUNCH! Three.
How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? CRUNCH!
The world may never know.

P.S.: My favourite flavours are orange and chocolate.

Tootsie Roll "The world looks mighty good to me, 'cause tootsie rolls are all I see..."

Trident Gum What the hell are you, a dentist?! See Dentyne.

Twix & Peanut Butter Twix I just love me some Twix. They came a little late for my trick-or-treating, but I've gotta include them. A cookie covered by caramel and chocolate? Right on. The peanut butter version? Equally good. I tip my hat to you, Mars, Inc.

Wax Bottles, Lips, Fangs, Mustaches, Harmonicas, etc. Fangs for the memories...
Ok, seriously, can there be any doubt that the wax fangs were the best? Oh, sure the bottles had liquid in them and the harmonica could be played, but WAX FANGS? Ruled.

Werther’s candies Relatively high-quality butterscotches, toffees, and the much coveted Reisen chew. How European!

Whatchamacallit Another great marketing campaign for this one, a crunchy peanut crisp wafer with caramel and chocolate. I was very much into them for a while.

Whistle Pops Okay, sugar that makes a piercing noise, and you give it to children. There is a Satan.

Whoppers I loves me some malted milk. I just do.

Wrigley's gum (Juicy Fruit, Spearmint, Doublemint, Big Red) Juicy Fruit was the bigger winner in my book, even though it lost its flavour pretty fast. Big Red, however, was popular and benefitted from some good marketing, as did Doublemint. Who knew there were so many blandly attractive twins in the world?

York Peppermint Patties When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I get the sensation that my teeth are rotting out… but I like it!

Zagnut See Clark, 5th Avenue, Butterfinger, etc. This one did benefit from a cool name, though.

Zero Bar Caramel, peanut butter, almond nougat bar covered with white fudge. Honestly, I rarely saw these things, but they do strike me as a bit weird. Um, okay.

And that's it! 'til next, spooooky year! WoooooOOOOOOooooo!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


Chemistry exam on Friday! Help!


- DN

P.S.: Anybody got a freelance or part-time job I can do? I gots lotsa skillz. You don't want us having to move in with one of our mothers on your conscience, do you?

P.P.S.: Anybody know a good malpractice lawyer? Hello?

P.P.S.: Yes, I am still boring. Check back sometime when I'm not in a panic.

Monday, October 22, 2007


O, hai.

I has a paper, a quiz, three science labs and chemistree hmwrks due tomorrow.

Chemistree makes me dumbm and I no remember partz of cells.

I also has to interviewz at employmentz agencees.


Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Hello, Old Friend

One of my major problems has been that I seem to cling to negative emotions. There are stupid slights and embarrassing situations that happened to me as a child that no-one else would still remember, or hold against me if they did. Yet, excruciatingly detailed recollections of them will spring to my mind unbidden, and the rush of emotions that come with them will leave me stunned. It doesn't help that I had a rather odd childhood, with plenty of opportunities for bad feelings and embarrassment.

This is why, over the last couple years, I had decided it was alright that I had fallen out of touch with my closest childhood friend. Yes, we had taken different paths in a number of ways, and changed. She has become a great believer in and advocate of twelve-step programs and a mother of three, while I have a bohemian lifestyle of lesbian partnership, rejection of traditional work and religion and too many cats. But I came to feel that, as it seemed I would never be able to view my childhood calmly, from a distance, much less with affection, it was for the best that I detach from childhood friendships that remind me of it.

For a while, it seemed to work. I felt guilty about the ebbing of the friendship, but relieved to be able to blank out on memories that fed my angst. I tried to tell myself that this was a natural evolution and the way of the world.

But when I checked my voicemail and found a message from her while I was in the hospital, I was excited.

The truth is, I missed her. Not only was she my friend, but my stepsister. We shared a checkered and difficult past within our dysfunctional family, different in some ways but, in many, similar. And as many awful, disturbing memories and feelings we may share, we were also always there for each other from our single-digit years through our early twenties. Even though we have changed, we still know each other's cores better than perhaps anyone else, save our partners.

So, despite knowing it would dredge up old wounds, I called her back. We've been in contact many times over the last few weeks, and have shared some biographical writing we've both been working on. It has been difficult facing some issues, and I can't say it's been easy. I'm also not completely confident in the return of our relationship, yet. But I'm so glad to hear her voice on the phone, and I'm hoping that, together, we can put together the stories of our past and learn to be a little bit kinder to ourselves.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Please Pardon The Interruption

What kind of idiot mutilates herself with a granny cart?

I have a giant hole in my leg!

I am so behind on everything in school I am never going to catch up!

The universe is trying to tell me that I made a mistake in going back to school!

I don't WANT to have to go back to doing computer work to make enough money!

I don't deserve anything better!

I am a failure! And unlovable!




Well. I wonder if that got it out of my system?

Saturday, October 13, 2007


That's right, Natorettes, children have playdates, but lesbians have gaydates.

My gaydate last night with Mrs. Nator - the first since going to the hospital! - was particularly gay, too. We started off with cheese fondue and red wine at a little place near the Theatre District (or Hell's Kitchen, as the real estate agents are calling everything between Chelsea and the Upper West Side nowadays.) There was some drunken fumbling with baklava and some faulty bandaging (caution: your neighbours at the next café table might not appreciate seeing your red, beefy leg insides right when they are about to tuck into an entrée of fondued meatballs), and then we went on to a show.

What show, may you ask? Why Charles Busch's off-Broadway theatrical version of Die Mommy Die!, of course. I've been a fan of Busch's since the early nineties, when I heard him singing in the shower via our apartment building shaftway. Sadly, as many times as I meant to go see it, I missed seeing Vampire Lesbians of Sodom during its NY run (revival, anyone?). But Busch was in full high drag effect as washed-up starlet Angela Arden (or is she?), desperate murderess, last night, which partially made up for that loss. Actually, as Mrs. Nator put it, what Busch does is beyond high drag. We're not exactly sure what to call it, except that it is both drag and Art. Camp surpassed by intimate understanding and acting ability and then twisted back into itself as gasp-inducing, physically trembling, poop-humour hilarious camp.

The rest of the cast was wonderful, too, especially newcomer Ashley Morris as Edith and the delightfully physical Chris Hoch, whom we remembered fondly from Spamalot, as Tony Parker. However, just to put it all over the top into squee-inducing homofabulosity was soap opera twinkie-boy Van Hansis as the dimwitted sexbomb Lance. Why? Because Van Hansis not only plays the sad, blonde, recently paralyzed (or is he?) half of the gay boy duo Luke and Noah (AKA "Nuke," in gaymo/fangirl circles) on ABC's As The World Turns, but his stage name is Van Hansis for Christ's sake. I mean, is that the sobriquet of a closeted, hunky, 1950s movie star, or what? "Tab Hunter, Rock Hudson, meet Van Hansis. I'm sure you'll have a lot to talk about."

Van is also our latest gay fantasy boyfriend, along with being one of the models for my latest haircut. I'm still clinging to Dan Gillespie Sells of The Feeling, as well, myself, but I haven't seen him lithely hump a couch up close from the front row, lately.

To top it all off, we saw reportedly-straight lesbian heartthrob Sigourney Weaver in the theatre, who sadly seems to have segued from looking potentially dykey into the librarian spinster look. We love you, Sigourney, but a bouffant, granny coat and femme-ified penny loafers do not do you justice. Were you undercover, or what?

Nevermind, it was a gay old time, and I hope we can do it again, soon, barring further accidents, study-induced mental breakdowns or ending up on the bread line. Next time, won't you go on a gaydate with us?

Thursday, October 11, 2007

I'm OK, You're OK

Good news: I just got back from the surgeon's office, and he said my wound is healing excellently. Thanks to Mrs. Nator's vigilant and attentive care, it is now no longer acute, but "red, beefy and granular," which is apparently how the inside of one's leg is supposed to look.

This means that I am okayed to go back to all my normal activities. Yay! So, it's back to class for me on Tuesday, and back to pet sitting sometime this weekend. Now, if I can get all caught up with my studying and other duties, maybe I will have something more interesting to blog about than fevers and misapplied stitches. (I'm working on it.)

As an aside, I found out today that there's a good reason that surgeons aren't usually the ones bandaging their own work. Ten minutes out of the doctor's office and my ace bandage had exploded, leaving me trailing gauze out my jeans leg and down the street. As a consequence, I also found out today that I can dress my own wound! Either I'm just getting used to the sight of a big hole in my shin, or it really is getting a lot better looking. Maybe both.

P.S.: For those or you (sickos) who requested photos (and you know who you are), this is the closest you're going to get. Actually, at first it looked a lot worse than that, so maybe for Halloween I should just ditch the dressing and wear shorts...?

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Art for Art's Sake

I've finally got some more photos of my mom's paintings up at her art blog site. Some of the ones that weren't yet up were older paintings, so I put them towards the bottom.

If you know anyone in the Mercer County, NJ area, tell them to go by and take a look at her exhibition at Orpha's coffee shop in Stillwell... maybe even buy, if they're that type.

But don't order the Toffee Frappeccino. It sucks.

P.S.: Next stop: MoMA! Chaaarge!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Well, Then.

So, remember how I said I was back from the hospital? Well, that lasted all of about three hours.

Yup, I took a nap and woke up with a high fever and my leg all inflamed again. I do not know why they discharged me, but I don't trust that hospital anymore, so I went to my regular doctor. He took a look at it and sent me immediately to another hospital, where he is friends with the director of the ER. Fortunately, this meant I was able to get in pretty quickly.

Long story short, I was admitted, tested and given many more rounds of antibiotics. On top of that, a surgeon was called in to look at my wound and, after making all of the disgusted faces that everyone seems to be compelled to make when they see it, he said I needed the stitches removed immediately, and to have it debrided. This meant that they knocked me out, opened that puppy back up, and cut out all the worst parts with a scalpel. Fun, fun, fun!

After that, it's been a few days of more antibiotics, wound cleaning, monitoring and Percoset as they saw how things went. It was not until yesterday, Friday, that I was finally allowed to go home, much to my relief (and Mrs. Nator's and Ma Nator's, who had come in to visit me). Now that I'm home, however, I still need a visiting nurse to come in every day for a while to clean the wound and change the packing (yes, packing - it's basically an open trench in my right shin about 7-8 inches long and 1-2 inches wide, and down almost to the bone, stuffed with loose gauze). Plus, I'll be on antibiotics and the occasional narcotic, as well as restricted movement, so I'll be out of classes for at least another week.

It's all so strange. Who knew a shopping cart could be so deadly? The good news is, I can walk - just not for long distances - and it doesn't hurt terribly most of the time. The bad news is, THERE'S A GIANT FREAKIN' HOLE IN MY LEG!

Not only that, but from what I learned from the surgeon, the first hospital did pretty much exactly the wrong thing with my wound (which - did I mention? - he compared to a "serious shrapnel wound"). Stitching it up tight and sending me home without making sure I was on antibiotics - then, later, discharging me after one night and keep thing the stitches in - made everything work. Now we have to talk to a lawyer friend and consider taking some action, which is not something I'd ever expect myself to do, but CARNFARN IT, I'M MAD!!!

Ahem. Anyway, I'm back and all that, for now. Perhaps I'll post next time on Percoset, just to make it entertaining.

P.S.: Shopping cart = my new KHAAAAANNNN!!!

Monday, October 01, 2007

Well, It Hurts Now

Just popping in to say that I'm back from the hospital. I was admitted overnight for a couple courses of intravenous antibiotics because my wound was infected and it turned out I had a fever of 103.6. Stupid broken home thermometer.

Anyway, being in the hospital was just a barrel of laughs, but at least my fever broke, and I got to get out today. Nobody wanted to be clear on how to treat my wound, and it was like pulling teeth to get an excuse note for school (again) even though they told me I'd have to take a week off. I'm off to see my regular doctor, who I trust more, this evening, in hopes he can make things clearer.

Later, Natorettes...


P.S.: While sweating out my fever last night, I had a dream that I met a couple including Mia Kirshner from The L Word and some random annoying guy, and I ended up having an affair with the random annoying guy. The moral of the story: 1.) Any dream about Mia Kirshner is a nightmare, and 2.) As Jenny on The L Word, Mia Kirshner is so annoying that she could turn me straight.

The End.