Sunday, October 19, 2008

Just A Leech On The Groin Of Society

Mrs. Nator surprised me yesterday. She told me that she'd been working out some figures, and decided that it would be better for us to take out another loan until I graduate, rather than having me find another job.

Do you think it had something to do with the hour-long crying jag/anxiety attack I had that morning?

Yes, school has been more intense than I ever imagined it. "A two-year degree at a community college," thought I. "How hard could it be?"

I did not realize that the reason they have about a 100% rate of graduates passing the licensing exam and getting jobs immediately is because most of the students wash out before graduation. Nor did I realize they essentially cram three or four years' worth of information into two straight years, with almost no break, since we have summer internships. Finally, I did not realize how the thought of possibly screwing up and hurting an animal - as I nearly did by mis-placing my first solo endotracheal intubation into the dog's esophagus instead of her trachea - would raise my already high anxiety generator to nuclear meltdown levels.

So, thank you Mrs. Nator. What's another few thousand in debt when at least we haven't defaulted on a mortgage or lost our shirts in the stock market? Now, I hope, I can focus on studying, rehabilitating my leg, and learning how to meditate the stress out and the confidence in. I'll make you proud, I promise.


claire said...

UGH. Holy stressful. Your post just totally stressed me out. That really is a good idea. If i could, i would go to school full-time and have time to DO HOMEWORK without falling asleep and oh, how wonderful would it be to have school be my primary focus...

Get the loan! DO IT! SAVE YOURSELF!

Heather said...

I said this to you privately already, but now I'll say it publicly! MRS. NATOR ROOOOOOCKS!!!! YAY for supportive spouses!

Hang in there, sweetie! There is an end off there in the distance - squint and it's in sight! (Assuming your slightly older eyes still are in better shape than my own Magoo-esque orbs....)


Doug said...

I'm here catching up . . .

The anxiety over hurting your patient is something that never goes away. It means you're a normal human being and not a sociopath, so rejoice in it, and use it to your advantage. We're here to help one another, right? Human and animal alike. And the goal is not to be perfect but to be as close to perfect as you can be -- which still allows for human error.

It does get easier, with time.

There's my pep talk :) You'll do great, m'dear.