Just in time for the holidays...

Stressed out?  Life too busy?  Afraid you may murder your own children?

No time to meditate, can't get to sleep, even soothing music gets on your last frayed nerve?

Need to Get Away?

Now, you can with:

THE MOST RELAXING SOUNDS OF SILENCE... EVERRRRR!!!

That's right, put on our patented noise-canceling headphones–complete with the side mounted Coh-Zee™ Valium dispenser–and you can relax to the un-sounds of...

-Padded Room!

-Awkward Conversational Pause!

-Mob-Enforced Zipped Lips On Pain Of Torture!

-Being Buried 39 Feet Underground!

All available on

THE MOST RELAXING SOUNDS OF SILENCE... EVERRRRR!!!

 

But that's not all!  Act now and you'll also receive an additional CD featuring such relaxing silences as...

-Stranded On An Ice Floe!

-Entombed In A Lost Atlantean Pyramid!

-Space!

and, the all-time favorite,

-Complete Lack Of Ears!

Your in-laws won't bother you, your daily tasks won't bother you, screaming babies won't get to you, piped-in music won't get to you

 –THE GATES OF HELL THEMSELVES COULD BE OPENED, ALLOWING THE WAILING OF TORTURED SOULS AND CACKLING DEMONS TO CONGREGATE IN YOUR LIVING ROOM– 

and still you'll be able to recline with a contented smile while listening to

THE MOST RELAXING SOUNDS OF SILENCE... EVERRRRR!!!

Call 1-900-QUIET-NOW to Order!  (Not available in Canada.)

Christmas in New York

You know when you see someone slumped over on the subway, and you can't tell if they're asleep, passed out or dead?  And all the other passengers are furtively looking around like "I'm not going to check him, YOU check him," because nobody wants to get projectile vomited on or touch a dead guy?  Or worse, they're thinking "I need to get somewhere, I don't have the time to stop to report some dead guy and talk to the cops about it," or "thanks a lot for taking up two seats, stupid dead guy."  What do you do?

Well, happy holidays, y'all.

Psst... I've got a new blog.

I don't know why. I just thought I'd start anew with a blog that will only include silliness. Here's the address:


http://justletyourselfbespecial.blogspot.com/


That is all.