Son of The Definitive Halloween Candy List

Well, Halloween approacheth. While I have been too pooped out from my recent surgery (not in pain, thank goodness, just low on energy) to cook up any particularly festive goodness - not even a lame-o costume - I do still count it as one of my favourite nostaligic celebrations. So, while I could spend my limited time not working or napping complaining that I'm tired, broke and can't find one measly box of freakin' Count Chocula anywhere 'round these parts, I will instead resurrect my comprehensive list of candy treats for the trickiest of holidays. Now remember, these were things I could find in my bag in the 70s and 80s, so your current or older mileage may vary. For a look at more recent ghoulish confections, check out this X-E article. And while you're at it, check out the paintable pumpkin peeps (and say that 5 times fast). If you happen to find some, I'd be happy to share an evening frosting marshmallows with you. That is not a euphemism.

$100,000 Bar	Chewy caramel, milk chocolate and crispy crunchies. Later changed to "100 Grand," which annoyed me, 'cause I liked the old jingle.
3 Musketeers	Puffy nougat covered in milk chocolate. Light and sweet. The major appeal for me was the cool Musketeers emblem. I always wanted to be a Musketeer.
5th Avenue	Probably my favourite of the crunchy peanut stuff in chocolate variety, just because of the swank name and wrapper design.
Almond Joy & Mounds	Because sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't! Have I mentioned I really dig coconut?
Apple	Watch out for razor baldes!
Astro Pops	I know a kid on Gun Hill Road who got his eye put out by one of those things!
Atomic Fire Balls	The classic hot cinnamon ball of the time. Only a quick burn before you got to the sweet part.
Bar None bar	A brief-lived chocolate, wafer and nut bar. Pretty good.
Baby Ruth	Nuts, caramel and chocolate, in a fetching red-white-and-blue wrapper. The most interesting thing about this candy bar is the controversy over its name.
Bazooka gum	Rock hard and covered in powder, an American classic. Came with cartoon strips that were never funny, and offers for items in exchange for 7 bajillion wrappers. Did anyone ever send in for those things?
BB Bat	Hard taffy on a stick, like a fruity Sugar Daddy. Acceptable.
Beeman's gum (Blackjack, Clove & regular)	VERY rare in my era of Trick-or-Treating but classic. Either you love 'em or you hate 'em. I fall on the loving side.
Big League Chew	"The Original Tobacco style Bubble Gum!" Shredded gum in a pouch originally invented to turn ballplayers off from tobacco, but actually a great way to train your kids for the weed and the throat cancer. The best part of this was the ad campaign of ball players playing ball and blowing huge bubbles, and the drawings on the pouches that looked like they were by one of the Mad magazine illustrators.
Bit O Honey	Almond bits blended into a honey flavored taffy. A danger to your fillings but sooooo addictive! If you were lucky enough to get a whole bar of these divided by the distinctive interwoven wax paper, you might try to save some for later - but always fail.
Blow Pops	The classic sugary bubble gum inside a lollipop. A bit sweet for me, but fondly remembered.
Bonkers	Your basic extremely artificial "fruit chew". Like Starbursts, but cheaper and waxier.
Boston Baked Beans	Mere candy coated peanuts, yet somehow better than the sum of their parts. The colonial brick-style packaging whispered of patriotism in the bicentennial era. Seriously awesome.
Bottle Caps	Sugar candy shaped like bottle caps. Some people loved 'em. To me? No big whoop.
Bubble Gum Cigars	Another training device for smokers, these were generally made of low-class gum, although the banana variety was intriguing. Chocolate cigars also existed, but were rarer in Trick-or-Treat bags.
Bubble Yum	One of the many of the multi-variety gums that came out during the 80s bubble-blowing-contest craze. Innocent times, man. Probably my favourite of the type.
Bubblicious	Another of the big bubble gums.
Butterfinger	A version of the crunchy peanut bar covered in chocolate. A bit crisper and sweeter than some of the others. Maybe too much so for me.
Butterscotch	An olde-timey favourite, whether in disks, rectangles, balls or squares.
Candy Buttons Dots	Oh, yeeaaahhh! Suckin' the nasty cardboard-y sugar from the soggy paper! Rock the f**k ON!
Candy & Bubble Gum Cigarettes	Came in all different kinds of packaging designed to look like popular deathstick brands. Tasted like crap, but they made you look too cool and grown-up to resist.
Candy Corn	Dare I say it? THE ULTIMATE HALLOWEEN CANDY. Brach's is the hands-down favourite version, made softer and richer with a touch of honey. "Indian" candy corn and even pumpkin and other novelty shapes are acceptable for kitsch value, but the standard orange, yellow and white type is still number one.Which section of each kernel do you eat first?
Candy Necklaces and Bracelets	The number one way to be stylin' AND chip-toothed.
Charleston Chew	Sort of a taffy-ish nougat in vanilla, chocolate or strawberry, covered in chocolate. They were a favourite with my older siblings, especially frozen into cement-like blocks. Not high on my list back then, but bring some nostalgia.
Charms	Square hard fruit candies. Whatever. Good name, though.
Cherry Clan	Ooh, me so racist! Later renamed to "Cherryheads" to go with the other varieties in the Lemonhead family, but who can forget the slanty eyed-little buggers in straw coolie hats? I think I was horrified even then.
Chiclets	The name and advertising made them seem so fun, but really? Just little rectangles of hard gum. What a disappointment.
Chick-O-Sticks	Apparently, these were quite popular with some people. I don't know if I ever ate one, as the once or twice I got one I mistakenly took it for a cylindrical form of Chicken-in-a-Biskit and traded them off.
Chocodiles	Yes, one did occasionally get snack cakes in one's treat bag (or jack-o-lantern shaped plastic bucket, as the case may be), and if one did, it was most likely these, due to their popularity and the fact that they came in single packets. Basically a Twinkie covered in chocolate, but definitely a product kids of my generation were screaming for after seeing the lovable cartoon crocodile mascot, "Chauncey."
Choward's Violet gum and candies	Not common in trick-or-treat sacks but a classic nonetheless. Taste like that perfume you were given as a kid. No, not the Love's Baby Soft, the Violet! Duh.
Chuckles	Your standard sugar coated jelly-gum drops. Bleah.
Chunky	Ah, yes. Your basic huge block of chocolate. My favourite was the raisin and nut variety. Open Wide For Chunky!
Circus Peanuts	Evil. EEEEE-VIIIILLLLL!!!
Clark Bar	Another one in the vein of 5th Avenue and Butterfinger. I believe this is the earliest version, though. Nice wrapper.
Cow Tails	I didn't get many of these, but they are basically a long version of the Goetze's Caramel Creams. I never was sure whether I found the name attractive or off-putting.
Cracker Jack	Not usually found in treat bags as the boxes were pretty big, but OH BOY if you got one! Slightly over-caramelized sugar on popcorn with peanuts, AND a surprise treat with a joke or riddle. Too bad the surprises have been getting lamer and lamer as time goes by.
Dentyne	What the…? You've been given adult cinnamon gum! KAAAAHHHHHNNN!!!
Dots	Another gum drop incarnation of the slightly firmer type. Meh.
Dubble Bubble	Remember when you used to, like, blow a big bubble? And then, no wait, you would, like, blow ANOTHER big bubble INSIDE of that one? Yeah. You could do it with any other bubble gum, too.
Dum Dum Pops	Does it get any more iconic? Root Beer and cream soda flavours were high on my list, but who could resist the mysterious ? flavour?
Freshen Up	A gum with a syrupy liquid inside. The commercials made it look like a huge burst of flavour. Not so much.
Fruit Stripe Gum	Yipes, stripes! It's Fruit Stripe gum!! SOOOO awesome. That zebra! Those stripes! That strikingly tart-sweet fake fruit flavour that fades in seconds! And later on it came with temporary tattoos?! Bow before their majesty.
Garbage Pail Candy	Hard, sour candy shaped like various pieces of garbage that came in a small replica of a garbage can. Dig it.Not to be confused with…
Garbage Pail Kids Candy	A chewy candy that came with a card featuring one of the popular 80s gross-out cartoon characters, the Garbage Pail Kids. These kids were a phenomenon born from an unholy union of Rat Fink and Cabbage Patch Dolls. Not my cup of tea, but very popular. Note: and yes, there was a Garbage Pail Kids movie.
GatorGum	Gum made to taste like Gatorade. Hmm. Do I hate it, or do I love it? Well, I'll keep trying it to make up my mind.
Gobstopper	Otherwise known as the Everlasting Gobstopper. Balls made up of layers of candy that change colours AND flavours as you suck them away. Pure genius!
Goetze's Caramel Creams	Now this is old school, son. A little carboard-y, a lot sweet, 100% memory lane.
Goldenberg's Peanut Chews	I think I just had an orgasm. Again, like the caramel creams, a bit oddly carboard-y, but rich and addictive. Slightly bitter dark chocolate surrounding a fudgy chopped peanut filling. And who else has the guts to include a name like "Goldenberg" in their candy's moniker? NB: Since the original writing of this list it has come to my attention that the Goldenberg company has changed the old, familiar packaging to a new, "playful" version. I am not amused. What's next, "New" Coke? Oh, wait a minute...
Goobers	Chocolate covered peanuts. Better known as movie snacks. 'nuff said.
Good & Fruity	Cylindrical fruit gummi chews with a resistant coating. See Mike & Ikes. Meh.
Good & Plenty	Charlie says: Love my Good & Plenty! The much loved licorice in snazzy white and pink candy coating. Not the most decadent of candies, but very classy.
Gummi Bears	The first of the multi-flavour gummi incarnations. At one time, they were positively ubiquitous.
Gummi Worms	A later gummi item. Softer and more popular amongst some kids due to the gross-out factor. Gummi continued to spawn umpteenthousand varities, with no doubt some gummi gonads in there somewhere.
Heath Bar	A nut toffee bar with a slightly burnt taste, covered in chocolate. A more adult item, which made one feel classy because it contained the word "English" in the description.
Hershey's varieties (milk chocolate, dark chocolate, Mr. Goodbar, Krackel & various Kisses)	Do I really need to elaborate, here? Standard fare. Big points for the special dark and Mr. Goodbars, especially since your friend at school told you that Mr. Goodbar was named after a dirty movie.
Hot Tamales	Hot cinnamon version of Ike & Mikes… or is that Good & Fruity?
Hubba Bubba	Another big-bubble gum, this time with cowboys in the commercials. I do think this one had the most flavours, though.
Ice Cubes	Basically a cube of smooth, decent chocolate. Hmm.
Jaw Breakers	Ow! OwOwOW! I bit through it!
Jelly Bellies jelly beans	A bit more of an Easter snack, but well loved for its many varieties, despite the fact that it got tied in with Ronald Reagan, somehow.
Jelly Rings	Ew.
Jolly Ranchers	You know you traded them at school. What beats watermelon? Sour apple, my friend. Sour apple.
Junior Mints	More movie oriented, but enjoyed in your treat box.(Did that just sound dirty?)
Jujubes	A firm fruit gum drop.
Jujyfruits	<Coach Z voice> Jeeorrgyfruits! </Coach Z voice> A firm fruit gum drop, but I think shaped like fruits. I don't know, I always traded 'em.
Kit Kat	Gimme a break! Wafers and milk chocolate. Not high up there, but the chocolate was deceptively good.
Kits Taffy	Weird little low-quality taffy bits. Why did we love them so?
Laffy Taffy	Kicks Kits' butt, if just for the name alone. Not to mention the greater size.
Lemonheads (+Grapeheads and Appleheads)	A series of slightly sour hard sucker candies. Lemonheads was the first and most popular.
Lifesavers	Oh, you know. The only cool part was when you got something like Wint-O-Green so you could try to make sparks in your mouth or Butter Rum so you could think "Oooh, I'm eating RUM and my parents don't know it!"
Lifesaver Lollipops	Do they still make these? Remember when they came in swirled flavours? Good times. The Crème Savers are just not the same. Bring them back. And while you're at it, where the hell are the Pudding Pops?!
Lik-M-Aid	Wait, you get a stick of sugar, and you get to cover it in spit and then dunk into different varieties of sweet-sour powder? I am SO THERE.
M&Ms (plain and peanut)	Old faithful. You know 'em. But remember when they were tan and not red?
Mallow Cup	Truly seems like a candy Homer Simpson would have invented.
Marathon	1 inch by 8 inches of braided caramel covered with milk chocolate. Delicious, but discontinued. Now available as the "Curly Wurly." Who thought that one up?
Mars Bars	Kind of like a milky way with almonds. Originally more often found in the UK.
Mary Janes	Most people hated them, but I loved them. That peanutty taffy goodness! That coy, come-hither look on the little girl's face! Definitely a treat for a developing lesbian.
Melster Peanut Butter Kisses	Much like Mary Janes, but with no name on 'em. Oh, come on, you remember them. They came in orange waxy twisted wrappers. Yes, they had a name. Yes, usually old people gave them out. Remember now?
Mike & Ike	See Good & Fruity.
Milk Duds	Chocolate sacs filled with milky caramel goodness! What's not to love? (Shut up, Bunche.)
Milky Way	You got your nougat, your caramel and your chocolate. Next.
Necco Wafers	Why? Why on God's green Earth are these so beloved? I would have used them as poker chips, if they didn't all break in the bottom of my bag.
Neopolitan Coconut candies	I know, ew. But, kinda yum, too.
Nerds	A box with two separated flavours and some cute little cartoons really sold this one. Admit it - you loved 'em.
Nestlé Crunch	(Yawn.) Moving along…
Now and Laters	Eat some now and save some for later? Yeah, right. These rocked with a severe righteousness. Also, you could build up a little business of selling off the singles from the packs at a ridiculous markup to desperate kids in the cafeteria. What? No, I didn't end up a Wall Street trader…
Oh, Henry!	Kind of like a Goldenberg's Peanut Chew, but bigger, sweeter and softer. Another one that's had some controversy over it's name.
Palmer's Chocolates	You know the ones. Those little balls or discs covered in brightly decorated seasonal foil wrappers. You open them up and… the chocolate is seriously foul. They also made those chocolate footballs - you know, the ones that always ended up at the bottom of the bag as the dregs? I hear Palmer's has improved a lot since back then, but for now all ridiculously bad and disappointing off-brand chocolates will retain the name "Palmer's" in my mind.
Pay Day	Gotta love me some peanuts. Of course, you can simulate these with a bowl of candy corn mixed with Planter's.
Pixy Stix	SUGAR HIIIIIGH!!!
Planter's Peanut Bar	Your basic very peanutty brittle thingy. Satisfying.
Pop Rocks	Yes, they rocked. No, Mikey didn't die by eating them with Coke. Haven't you watched VH1?
Push Pops	I don't know. These seem dangerous, somehow.
Rain-Blo Gum	Er. Kinda lame hollow gumballs. Okay.
Raisinets	Oh, you know.
Raisins	Just... no.
Razzles	"…first it's a candy and then it's a gum!" Unfortunately, the whole time it sucks.
Red Vines/Switzer's/Twizzlers	Everybody has their favourite version of these, but they're basically red fruity "licorice". Only good in a pinch, as far as I'm concerned.
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups	ALL HAIL THE REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUP!!! So simple yet so perfect in it's salty sweet-ness, this was the number one sought-after item in my treat bucket. WOE BE TO THE MAN WHO EATS MY PEANUT BUTTER CUPS! I HAVE SPOKEN!
Reese's Pieces	E.T…. phone home… I'm sure Mars, Inc is still kicking themselves.
Reggie Bar	Only memorable for having been named for Reggie Jackson.
Ring Pops	Candy Bling!
Rolo	You can roll a Rolo to your pal… but why would you? Save them all for yourself.
Root Beer Barrels	Me and pappy used to suck 'em on th' porch at th' gen'ral store. Pappy liked 'em cause he didn't have no teeth.
Runts	What was so good about pressed candy shaped like fruits? I don't know, but didn't you always save your favourite fruits for last?
Sixlets Gum	Kind of like Rain-Blo but a bit better, and more attractively packaged, 'cause… there were six.
Skor Bar	Another classy toffee bar variety, but this time with a harder butter toffee. And yes, I did know a girl who went on a Skor Bar diet in High School.
Sky Bar	This candy bar is divided into four sections with four different centers... caramel, vanilla, peanut and fudge covered in milk chocolate. Pretty awesome, but it would be better if the candy itself were of higher quality.
Smarties/Rockets	Little rolls of pill-like sugar candies. A bit overrated, in my book, but much reminisced over in pop culture.
Smith Bros. Cough Drops	What, you never got these as a treat from some cheap-ass jokester? Hey, they were really candy, anyway…
Snickers	A Milky Way with peanuts. What will they think of next?
Snowcaps	Nonpareils, mon ami. But of course.
Sour Patch Kids	One of the first seriously sour candies. Frightening, yet compelling.
Squirrel Nut Zippers	Another peanutty taffy thingy. Very popular in the South. Got a band named after 'em.
Squirt	Like Freshen Up, but more hyped.
Starburst	Probably the best known of the fruit taffy chews. Remember when they only came in the yellow wrapper variety?
Starlight peppermints	Okay, whose freakin' grandma put these in here? No, I do not want fresh breath, it's HALLOWEEN for f**k's sake!
Sugar Babies	Mini, even sugary-er Sugar Daddies. Wow. That's a lot of sugar.
Sugar Daddy	A caramelly thing on a stick. You know.
Sugar Mama	A caramelly thing on a stick. Covered in chocolate. That's one sweet chocolate mama!
Swedish Fish	Originally only in red, probably the first popular gummi animal. How… Nordic.
SweeTarts	Like they say, sweet…and tart.
Tangy Taffy	Another taffy, this time from Wonka.
Teaberry gum	What the hell is a teaberry? I don't know. But I feel very sophisticated chewing this gum.
Tidal Wave Bubble Gum	See Squirt and Freshen Up. Enough, already!
Toffifay	Marketed as a premium chocolate, this one captured my snobby little heart with it's "European" flavoured advertisements. A nougat enrobed hazelnut topped with a dollop of chocolate and placed in a caramel cup, it even came in a gold plastic tart-pan setting. Niiiiiiiice.
Tootsie Flavor Rolls	Tootsie rolls in different flavours?! Let me try that…
Tootsie Pop	Mr. Turtle, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? I never made it without biting, ask Mr. Owl. Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? Let's find out. One… Two-whoooo… Three. CRUNCH! Three. How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? CRUNCH! The world may never know. P.S.: My favourite flavours are orange and chocolate.
Tootsie Roll	"The world looks mighty good to me, 'cause tootsie rolls are all I see..."
Trident Gum	What the hell are you, a dentist?! See Dentyne.
Twix & Peanut Butter Twix	I just love me some Twix. They came a little late for my trick-or-treating, but I've gotta include them. A cookie covered by caramel and chocolate? Right on. The peanut butter version? Equally good. I tip my hat to you, Mars, Inc.
Wax Bottles, Lips, Fangs, Mustaches, Harmonicas, etc.	Fangs for the memories... Ok, seriously, can there be any doubt that the wax fangs were the best? Oh, sure the bottles had liquid in them and the harmonica could be played, but WAX FANGS? Ruled.
Werther’s candies	Relatively high-quality butterscotches, toffees, and the much coveted Reisen chew. How European!
Whatchamacallit	Another great marketing campaign for this one, a crunchy peanut crisp wafer with caramel and chocolate. I was very much into them for a while.
Whistle Pops	Okay, sugar that makes a piercing noise, and you give it to children. There is a Satan.
Whoppers	I loves me some malted milk. I just do.
Wrigley's gum (Juicy Fruit, Spearmint, Doublemint, Big Red)	Juicy Fruit was the bigger winner in my book, even though it lost its flavour pretty fast. Big Red, however, was popular and benefitted from some good marketing, as did Doublemint. Who knew there were so many blandly attractive twins in the world?
York Peppermint Patties	When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I get the sensation that my teeth are rotting out… but I like it!
Zagnut	See Clark, 5th Avenue, Butterfinger, etc. This one did benefit from a cool name, though.
Zero Bar	Caramel, peanut butter, almond nougat bar covered with white fudge. Honestly, I rarely saw these things, but they do strike me as a bit weird. Um, okay.

Giant Squid Caught On Videotape!

This is actually a huge deal - these creatures have never been observed alive before.

I am saddened, however, that the scientists set up a trap that hurt the squid they were trying to study. I hope the video is somewhat worth it.

A Real Pain In The Neck

Well, my surgery is set. I'm still having a weird disconnect about it, mainly because I am literally feeling better than I have in months. I don't know if it is due to the cooler weather, rest or what, but I have almost no pain, must better freedom of movement and only occasional tingles in my arm and finger.

Why, might you ask, am I going to let the surgeons cut into my throat and move stuff around when I am no longer in pain? Well, I tried to get out of it, but it turns out that, with testing, it was determined that my arm is still just as weak as ever. That means the nerve is still impinged and the weakness could become permanent. Seeing as that causes spasms after doing something so simple as washing some dishes, much less carrying groceries or laundry, and it's my dominant arm, I still have to have the operation. Three out of three doctors agreed - even my osteopath, who is generally very pro-alternative treatments. From what they told me, it is rare and lucky that my pain has disappeared - this happens only in 10% or less of cases with a disc herniation like mine. But it's still sort of a ticking time bomb until it gets fixed, just waiting to cause permanent damage or more pain or numbness. So, despite feeling rather spry, I'm off to the hospital on Monday.

I suppose I should count myself lucky, as at least I'm not uncomfortable now. The ironic thing is that I will actually have to go through pain to fix a condition that's causing me no pain now. Of course, many operations are for things you can't feel that much. But it's still somehow hard to wrap my head around.

Anyway, I'm all set. M will be home with me for up to Columbus Day, if necessary, although she is feeling horrible at home with a killer cold right now, so I hope she improves soon. My mom will be coming up the day before, stay a couple days and come back later if needed, and I even got an unexpected call from my dad saying he's going to try to get here to visit within a few days of the surgery. That really tickled me, because I rarely get to see him, so this whole getting sawed into thing is having a bit of a silver lining.

Wish me luck and Pudding Pops (I'll need them for the post-op sore throat).

Cats and Rabbits Living Together...

Mass hysteria! OK, maybe not that, but whoever is doing the Hoops & Yoyo site for Hallmark has got very good "clean humour" timing. Check it out - especially "The Runaway Marshmallow" parts 1 - 3.

Think of Laura - Part II

The "first lady" is up to it again, and even I can't believe such blatant image-fixing media-whoring is going on.

Just check this out to see what I mean.

Something's Happening Here

It's six in the morning and I've barely had any sleep. I probably had too much caffeine and sugar yesterday, but that doesn't entirely explain it. I'm having some weird kind of adrenaline rush, unable to sleep, tossing and turning. Finally decided to get up and eat something to settle my stomach, do something to occupy my mind.

But not before I did some girly push-ups in bed.

Why was I doing girly push-ups in the dark next to my sick girlfriend who sorely needs her sleep? I didn't wake her - she's truly out, but here's the reason: I didn't feel anything wrong. I was sleeping with my head turned to the right, woke up and I could feel my entire arm, right down to the tip of my forefinger. And it didn't hurt or tingle. It felt - almost normal.

Maybe not such a big deal, but it was a revelation in the pre-dawn haze for me. I haven't been able to turn my head to the right without experiencing pain or uncomfortable tingling for months. Over just the last two days or so I've been suddenly realizing now and then that I have complete sensation in my fingers. It took a while to sink in, because I've grown so used to numbness that it became normal, second nature. I expected to burn myself on the stove or iron because I couldn't feel it was hot.

So, what's going on here? My surgery is scheduled in less than a week and I am on high alert. All kinds of feelings from relief to resignation to abject fear are going through my mind as I get ready for the barrage of pre-op tests that start later this morning. Is my semi-panic leading to some kind of adrenalized, heightened sensation? Or am I truly, finally getting better? Will I need this surgery after all?

I feel a little foolish to hope I won't need it - afraid to be disappointed - but I can't shake this feeling that there has been marked improvement in my condition over the last few weeks. As I write this, my arm is starting to protest slightly - cramp up in the shoulder and elbow, tingle a touch in the finger. It hasn't been subjected to push-ups in... well, years, for real ones, but even girlie ones for some time because I've been babying it, and certainly wasn't capable most of the time, as it was weakened or throbbing due to nerve impingement. I've scheduled one last appointment to evaluate it with my orthopoedic surgeon and I don't know what to do with myself. How am I going to make it until that time? I am freaking out.

See, it's not just fear of the surgery. It's fear of not having it. For six months I've been dealing with this condition - not to mention the previous years of chronic lumbar episodes. The surgery is/was going to relieve me of it - the pain, the weakness, the tingling. It was going to let me be comfortable again, sleep again, be active again. Moreover,it was going to give me a break - a week or two being forced to rest my body and mind away from the daily grind to re-evaluate my situation, my life. Or just be really high on prescription drugs. It's become more to me psychologically, somehow, than just fixing a misplaced disc in my neck. It's become fixing something deeper - something inherently wrong with me that's been there for some time - the thing that makes me fat, makes me sick, makes me defective. It's become a fundamental change of me - not just from someone who's never been operated on to someone who's been cut and healed, but someone who has purged something and can start anew. It's taken on a whole new emotional symbolism that can't be boiled down to a two-inch scar and a titanium plate in the neck.

It seems like it should be a simple equation. If the doctors tell me I need surgery, I'll just have to get it. Suck it up and move on - nobody likes being cut, bruised and invaded. If they tell me I don't, I dodged a bullet, or maybe a pellet gun. I'm lucky and happy for a few days, and then, again, I go on with my life. But that's just not the way my brain works. For some reason, I've always been more... dramatic. Even if the results - back to the daily grind - are the same.

Well, I'll know in a few short hours - or a few long ones. Right now my shoulder is tightening up in a way that's making my stomach drop a little bit - "don't start dancing, just yet - you may have pushed yourself too hard and it just wasn't hurting you for a while 'cause you babyed it. The flaw is still there." We shall see. I don't know what to expect, am not sure if I should be hoping. But I do know that if I don't need the surgery, I'm going to have to figure out my next steps without the forced detour, the prescribed rest. I may have to take some time off and figure out what it means to suddenly be well and what I want to do with it. And I may have to take a few days off and party or collapse.

I'm scared and nervous, either way.

I definitely had too much sugar and caffeine yesterday.

The Power of Christ Compels You

Freaky Friday Edition

Did Katrina leave some angry spirits behind? I've had my paranormal experiences in the past, but I don't think I'd want them attended to by the national guardsman who thinks New Orleans is a center of cannibalism and soldiers spread the light of God wherever they go...

Check it out.

Whoo-eee

Take a look at this shout-fest between Phil Donahue and Bill O'Reilly.

Can't we all just get along?

Words Fail

Think that the shameful aftermath of Katrina has finally spurred our government to take practical action for the people in need? Think again. And again.

At least local evacuation orders seem to be being taken seriously for Rita.

Back to You, Snoop Dogg

Note to reporters: if you are filing a story on burning piles of confiscated marijuana, stand upwind.

Alive in Truth

"The hardest part for me, the part that I can’t stand – I’m a taxpayer, I pay taxes. And you’re calling me a refugee. That hurts. Like hell."

Read this and other oral histories of Katrina victims at http://www.aliveintruth.org/.

Think of Laura

Laura Bush is trying to smooth things over for Shrub. Does anyone really listen to that woman or take her seriously?

I just couldn't believe what she said, so I wrote a rant in my underused dkos diary. You can read it here.

It's The Best Thing EVERRRR!!!

OK, maybe not, but I was surprised and delighted to learn from the NY Times this morning that there is a Russian cat circus in town. That's right. CAT. CIRCUS. I am so there that I think I left a little poof! of dust and hairpins behind me.

Alright, so Russians kind of scare me (hey, I work with Russian artists now and then at my day job, and Russian + dancer or singer = a whole new kid of drama). And clowns? I could do without 'em. But check out the site for the Moscow Cats Theatre. If you were a crazy cat lady with a taste for camp, how could you resist?

We can't really afford the tickets, but I'm dragging M to see it. Even if it's cheesy, it should be fun. Besides, I might pick up some tricks for my all-coati circus idea I got in Costa Rica.

Bloggin' Fool - or - Once Again, Your Tax Dollars At Work!

Yes, it appears I'm back to my old multi-posting ways. Hey, it's been a slow week at work. Really slow.

It boggles the mind - but does not shock, alas - that someone in the federal government seems to be trying to find ways to blame environmentalists for the flooding after Katrina. What, you mean the environmentalists were warning that the degradation of the wetlands due to oil drilling, channel cutting and water diversion could lead to flooding? It must have been a smoke screen for some big, liberal... scientist... terrorist... uh, let's not play the blame game!

Here's a link to the news that the feds are trying to drum up some (nonexistent) connection there.

And here's a link to an excellent story American Public Media did in conjunction with NOW with Bill Moyers on the high likelihood that a hurricane would take out New Orleans due to destruction of the wetlands (among other things) - circa 2002.

Meanwhile, back in the present, folks in New Orleans are thrilled to find their power turned on 30 minutes before W's motorcade rolls through. Only to have it turned off again as soon as he leaves.

Let's not let a little thing like reality get to him, shall we?

Finally, Hunter from DKos does it again. There is laughter inside my tears...

Friday Cat (and Turtle) Blog

Have I mentioned lately that Maurice is just one awesome specimen of ideal felinity? Our poor putty man clearly had a recurrence of the old cystitis yesterday morning, and you didn't have to be an animal communicator to figure that one out. He was running like a madcat hither and yon, jumping in and out of each of the three litter boxes and howling. Finally, he bolted up onto the bed directly in front of me, spread his legs, licked his groin area furiously, then stared up and me and yowled "Mommy! Help me! It buuurrrrns!" Okay, maybe not in so many English words, but the meaning was clear. So, last night it was To The Vet with our kitty buddy.

Point being, on his visit he was The Best Kitty Ever. For while he clearly Did Not Like It, he gave nary a peep, and whereas his tail was expanded in the Puffy Display of Extreme Anxiety, he allowed himself to be poked, prodded, jabbed with needles and even anally probed with meek, cooperative acceptance. In fact, not only did the vet and tech love him, but they commented multiple times on how they could not believe he is eight years old, with his handsome, athletic build and silky fur. "He has the teeth of a two-year-old!" they kept exclaiming. Awww.

Anyway, he's on medication now, and here's an old animation I did of him to bug M one time:


Meanwhile, trouble in turtleland, as I found Edamame biting chunks out of Aubergine's shell again and had to separate them. I'm really worried about him - he seems lethargic, traumatized and possibly sick now. And I don't know what to do about her - she just has been so intractably aggressive. I hate to think we may have to permanently separate them or give one or both to a sanctuary, but that's starting to look like a very real possibility. Cross your fingers for us - I love my turtles and would miss them dearly (not to mention we still haven't paid off the ginourmous tank taking up most of our living room, yet).

Sigh.

It's The End of The World As We Know It

And Hunter over at DKos does not feel fine.

Funny stuff. Maddening - but funny.

Meanwhile, Bill's Cheers and Jeers for today is just awesome, from start to finish. Check it out.

Have you been wondering what those "nutria" are that search-and-rescue teams say have been taking over New Orleans? Well, here you go. They might give NYC rats a run for their money, but I have a feeling they'd do a better job protecting NO than the Feds.

Finally, I'm sure most of you have donated what you can to the human victims of Katrina. Please also consider donating to the ASPCA or the HSUS. They are both doing amazing work saving thousands of animals left sick and homeless by the events in the gulf, and they could use all the help they can get.

Peace out.

Why Blog Why You Can Get Someone To Do It For You?

Esepecially if 1.) you're lazy and 2.) nobody reads your blog, anyway. Unless somebody does. Anyone...? Bueller?

Anyway, Matt over at X-Entertainment has started his excellent annual Halloween countdown. If that's not awesome enough, he's added an article with some personal reflections on Castle Dracula, the old dark ride/horror house in Wildwood, NJ.

Castle Dracula was a monster-sized (heh) haunted house built in the mid-70s, after the owners of Nickels' pier realized just how much money the folks who built the infamous Brigantine Castle were making (said folks probably having based their creation on the horror craze of the time sparked by The Exorcism, The Omen, etc.). Lots of Matt's recollections are similar to mine, although I was always too chicken to go into the walk-through part of the Castle. Even in my tender single-digit years, I harboured the strange combination of an obsessive fascination with The Count and a mind-blowing terror at the thought of even going near a "scary movie" or "haunted house". The pain/pleasure adrenaline rush of even being on the same boardwalk as this place could get me higher than the sugar from a funnel cake, neapolitan waffle sandwich and cotton candy combined, with a side of salt water taffy thrown in. Even after finally braving the boat portion and mocking it mercilessly the whole way through with my stepbrothers, Castle Dracula still seemed to retain some of its bloody and fascinating cachet in my mind until it burned to the ground, as most boardwalk attractions do, in 2002.

Although Castle Dracula will always remain third in my heart behind The Golden Nugget and the Pirate Ship Skua, this article really takes me back to the days when some plastic monsters and teenagers in make-up were about the scariest things I could imagine. Good times.

Whaddaya know? I got kinda a blog post out of that, after all...

An Illustrated Guide to Spinal Fusion

In case anyone missed my handy-dandy guide to the surgery I have coming up, you can see it here.

In other news, I said I'd be blogging more, particularly about the Costa Rica trip, but apparently I lied. Just another check on the list of duties shirked and promises unkept.

More later...?

Baby Blake is Here!

Congratualtions to S & J'A on the birth of Blake Davis, or as I like to call him, Mr. Blakeypants. As you can see from his picture, he has already adopted his Brooklyn attitude. I believe his first words will be "What are you lookin' at ?"

Despite the early arrival, baby and moms are all doing fine, although the moms are, naturally, exhausted. They hope to go home sometime on Saturday, where Mr. Blakeypants can meet his furry brother Mingo, who will probably outweigh him for some time.

In related news, lesbian uterae across the tri-state area are said to be vibrating upon viewing photos of the tyke. "It feels as though some kind of alarm is ringing," one sapphist reported, "and I have the urge to buy tiny clothes and a minivan." Officials are investigating.

Costa Rica Dreamin'

We're baaaa-aaack - and full of stories from Costa Rica. It was a wonderful, terrifying, breathtaking, aggravating and delightful trip, and I'm still processing it (and catching up on sleep). I will probably try to convert some of my journal entries to blog bits within the next few weeks, as well as put up a number of photos. In the meantime, it's good to be home.