I Just Got Back From Hell

... because I finally downloaded The Darkness' latest album, "One Way Ticket To Hell...And Back". As the title indicates, The Darkness have a way with a joke, but they also have mad skillz as hair-metal type musicians.

Extremely popular in the UK, the band has somehow not made as bit a hit in the US. I suppose it shouldn't be a huge surprise, since their brand of Queen-meets-Limozeen farce-rock doesn't exactly fit in with the hip hop/pop dominated charts here, nowadays. Not to mention, I think the youth of America probably don't get the in joke and tongue-in-cheek attitude that make The Darkness so awesome. When, in concert, lead singer Justin Hawkins is levitated over the audience in a giant pair of flashing tits, it's clear that it's both mocking and just for the sheer fun of it all. There's a sense of meta riffing-on-Spinal-Tap-riffing-on-Black-Sabbath that is funny and knowing, but at the same time, revels in the stupidity of rock n' roll overkill. The fact is, however, that the band is also enourmously talented - capable of lighting fast guitar riffs and fist-pumping falsetto harmonies - and the combination of the two makes them stand above the crowd.

Having greatly enjoyed their first album, "Permission To Land", I was somewhat worried about their sophomore effort, but it does not disappoint. While arguably less hard-edged and headbanging, "One Way Ticket To Hell...And Back" plays up their homage-to-Queen style even more than before with more vocal layers and keyboards. This is no suprise once you learn that they hired producer Roy Thomas Baker, who cut his teeth on some of Queen's biggest hits, including "Bohemian Rhapsody." It's a great fit, considering the oft-told tale that the brothers Hawkins discovered that Justin could sing during a karaoke rendition of that song, and it pays off with songs like "Is It Just Me?", "Dinner Lady Arms", and, yes, "Knockers" (with its giggle-worthy chorus of "I just love what you've done with your hair!") kicking the jams just as much as almost anything on their debut.

At the same time, the album may be even sillier, including a guitars-as-bagpipes nod to Big Country on "Hazel Eyes" (which along with the chorus "And she said 'hoots, I cannae get back tae me hoos in bonny Scotland'" includes the immortal line "I had never seen a set of eyes more hazelerer") and the most musically dark track on the album, "Bald", which is, indeed, a horrified take on male pattern baldness ("his hair, at an alarming pace, running away from his face").

In short, if you ever enjoyed rocking out to 70s and 80s metal while at the same time recognizing the glam buffoonery the genre encouraged, you can't go wrong with The Darkness.

Now, as an added bonus, here is what is, for numerous reasons, possibly one of the best music videos ever, "I Believe In A Thing Called Love", off of "Permission To Land".

Meme-A-Licious

Oh, look – it’s a way to procrastinate from formatting the dreaded “career change” résumé… I mean, a lovely meme that Warrior Two tagged me to do.

Eight Songs I Am Diggin’ On Right Now:
Dude, I am so lame about music nowadays. There was a time when music was my life, I lived it and breathed it. I performed in coffee houses, made amateur tapes and dreamed of being a professional performer. I have 3 ring binders full of songs I wrote, gathering dust with my old drumsticks and three guitars.

Now I barely even listen to it anymore, and tend to say things like “I don’t understand these kids nowadays and their music,” or “this new band is just imitating X band from my youth. There’s nothing new under the sun”, &c. I spend more time watching TV and on the Interwebs, honestly. Even if I do listen to music, it’s often older stuff.

Have I grown up, or just become old?

Anyway, let’s see what I can think of…

1. Keane, “Is It Any Wonder.” I think this was a hit last year. Nice little emo/indie rock tune, showing the influence of U2, who they opened for on tour. I got into this song when it lodged in my head after playing five hundred times on the Madden 07 soundtrack.

Incidentally, my new Madden superstar is our big, tall adopted son, Bayard. He’s a rookie wide receiver for Kansas City this year, but I’m hoping I can get him a contract with the Giants. He’s a killer kick returner, too. He looks like a taller Tiki Barber. Hee.

2. OK Go, "Invincible". You’ve gotta enjoy the clever premise of a song that imagines the singer’s heartless lover forcefully thwarting an alien invasion. At least, I do.

Runner up: OK Go, “Do What You Want.” Mainly because you can never get enough cowbell!

3. The theme from “Cubis 2”. I play this game on my iPod almost every day during my commute, and the burbling, loopy synthesized soundtrack is now constantly stuck in my head. Fortunately, it’s a pretty good one. Unfortunately, I also find myself obsessively creating cube combinations in my head, just like I used to do with Minesweeper and Tetris, and Mrs. Nator now does with Sudoku.

4. Stevie Wonder, “Power Flower.” A classic from my youth. Not a hit, this song comes from The Secret Life of Plants, a double album of what was supposed to be a soundtrack for a movie that I don’t think was ever released. The album didn’t do very well for a Wonder release, mainly because a lot of it was atmospheric. I still liked it, though, and this is one of my go-to songs while singing in the shower. It’s a sunny love ballad to nature sung in the voice of Pan, the Greek god thereof. Avoiding the obvious bleat of a goat, however, Wonder sings in an unexpected, smooth falsetto that could put Smokey Robinson to shame. The synthesized backgrounds are a little hokey and dated, but this song never fails to put me in a calm, contented mood. I’ve been listening to it on occasion lately just to relieve stress!

5. Stevie Wonder, “Love’s In Need of Love Today.” Another classic, this time from Songs In The Key of Life. The theme can make you sad, but the melody and singing lift you.

Runner up: the equally good remake by Joan Osborne. Joan is one of my favourite current female vocalists. Honestly, she just kicks ass.

6. Scissor Sisters, “Better Luck Next Time.” Cornball, bouncy, snarky, gay alterna-disco. What’s not to love?

7. Kate Bush, “Cloudbusting.” Kate Bush is one of the most original pop artists out there, and Hounds of Love is still my favourite album of hers. In fact, it’s one of the few albums that makes me actually miss the LP format, as the tracks are divided to tell different stories on either side.

In this song, Kate is telling a story that is both heartbreaking and encouraging. Who is this woman? Why was her father taken away by shadowy men? And yet her memories of her father are filled with joy:

Ev’ry time it rains
I hear you in my head
Like the sun’s coming out
Ooh, I just know that something good is gonna happen
I don’t know when
But just saying it could even make it happen…

Kate Bush is one of the only artists whose songs have actually made me cry, even after repeated listenings. I also made my mom cry by playing “This Woman’s Work,” for her one time. I don’t know why this particular song of Bush’s has been in my head lately – it could be any of a number of hers, instead. But it’s so bittersweetly evocative that once it’s there it’s hard to let go.

8. The Darkness, “Knockers.” HeeHeeHeeee… knockers! I just love The Darkness. They’re like the illicit love children of Queen and the band “Limozeen” from the Homestar Runner cartoons. They just crack my shit all up… and they can play!

I am still utterly heartbroken that the lead singer left before I could see them in concert. Sigh.

If money were no object, what would you be doing with your life?
Get a personal chef and trainer. Travel the world. Make a lot of donations, particularly for the boo-boo animals. Spend more time with animals and learn more about them. Give nice things to my family and friends. Buy a brownstone in Brooklyn and a vacation house. Learn to SCUBA dive & snowboard. Take writing and photography courses. Have my own home recording studio.

As most of you know, I did start a writing workshop recently, but had to stop due to the job madness. I still hope to take a SCUBA course this summer, though, if money and time allow.

Money is just that - an object, so why aren’t you doing it?
Um, as I said, I’m trying to do what I can when I can swing it. I did get to go to Costa Rica twice and Hawaii once, snorkel, hike volcanoes, and meet wild animals. I’m pursuing being a vet tech and SCUBA, and work on writing and photography when I can. I sponsor a child in Ecuador and give donations when I can. I try to give nice stuff for Xmas and birthdays, and it’s in our plans to buy at least an apartment someday. Uh, I sing in the shower…

So, really, I’m doing things I’d do with money, only on a smaller scale. Hey, just get off my back, people!

What’s better: horses or cows?
I try not to make value judgments on animals – just humans.

What do you think the secret to happiness is?
Great, now I’ve got that damn You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown song going through my head …

When was the last time you had a dream that you either remember well or did not want to awake from? Can you share a bit?
Um, I dreamt last night that my boss threw a party for my last week (fat chance) and on the stairs of the opera house made this big announcement that I could come back and see whatever show I wanted for free whenever I wanted. I was like “um… thanks.” I wasn’t sorry I woke up.

That’s actually not exemplary, because I tend to have very wild and symbolic dreams. I’ll tell you one of my favourites that I had when I was a teenager. I used to have reoccurring nightmares about tidal waves. I’m not sure why they started, but over time the waves grew smaller and smaller until the last few were puddles. I’d like to think this means I’ve conquered some fears they represented, or something.

Anyway, in this dream I was walking down a beach by a city. Suddenly people started running around hysterically screaming that it was the end of the world. I looked toward the sea and there was this infinitely huge wave rushing towards us. I could see animals, trees, cars and pieces of buildings roiling in it, like it had already been partly around the world and swept it away. I knew instantly that this was it – the water was going to engulf and destroy everything in a few seconds, and there was nothing I could do. I briefly wondered if I should pray, but then just as the first droplet hit me I suddenly thought aloud, “hey, didn’t it say somewhere in the Bible that God said he’d never destroy the Earth by flood again?”

No sooner had I said it than the water covered me. But then I heard a loud, deep, echoing voice say: “Hmm. I forgot about that. Maybe I’ll come back in a few eons sometime when I’ve thought of something else.” In an instant, with a gigantic zzzzooorcht like the emptying of a drain, the water was gone, and I had saved the world!

I woke up laughing. I told my father about it at breakfast, and I believe he worked it into a sermon that Sunday.

When you were a little kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I think I went through the typical phases of fireman, astronaut and superhero. Does fantasizing about riding into my nursery school playground in armor on a white horse and rescuing my teacher, who would then marry me, count?

Later on I wanted to be a magician, and after that a rock star. So practical, I was!

Complete this statement: Love is…
“… a many spleeeendooored thiiiiing!”

But seriously, love is awesome. I am so grateful for those I love: my friends, family, and chosen family of the amazing Mrs. Nator and our critters. I had always been a romantic and hoped for a “soul mate” (bleeaurgh!), but I’d given up by the time I met her. Now, my life is gloriously changed and better than ever. I love you, Mrs. Nator, my Boo!

Can you tell a good story?
There once was a man from Nantucket…

Can you remember your last daydream? What was it about?
Um… buying scrubs for my new job. Hee. I’m so obsessed with them… they’ve become my little symbolic badge of being an “animal care professional,” I think…

My usual daydreams, however? Involve snuggling with the cats or diving someplace with gorgeous coral and sealife, like Hawai’i.

Mmmm, Hawai’i…

If you were to thank someone today, who would you thank?
Mrs. Nator, because I should thank her every day, for everything she does and is. (Awww!)

And that’s it. I shall tag Helen, mainly because she’s given me some good suggestions for music in the past. But I have no illusions that she will actually do this meme. Enjoy!

Aw, Poot.

I am so behind the times. I was just listening to The Darkness' last album on my iPod, and wondered to myself if they'd be touring the U.S. anytime soon. Well, lo and behold, it turns out their wildly entertaining frontman, Justin Hawkins, went and quit the job this past October, on account of a cocaine addiction.

Now I applaud anyone who has the guts and resolve to straighten him or herself out from a major addiction and do what needs to be done to keep from relapsing. But come on, this is rock n' roll! Couldn't he have hung in there at least long enough for me to see them live once? How disappointing.

Most of all, I think I'm mad that I missed the giant boobies.

Geeky Revelations Of The Day

1. I have a recurring fantasy where I am singing onstage at a concert like Lilith Fair. Sarah McLachlan, Indigo Girls, and whatever other admired artists pop into my head at the time are happily singing back-up for me. They also all have crushes on me, because I am so very awesome. If I have the right album going on my iPod, I can visualize a whole documentary video about this imagined performance.

2. Yesterday morning on the subway I suddenly came up with a detailed pitch for a middlebrow comedic movie starring Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell. Oh, and The Darkness would be featured on the soundtrack. Have I mentioned that that is exactly the kind of movie I would never go to?

Can you feel me blushing?

Your Humour Style Is: Lemming

Everybody else is taking this test, why not me?

Your humor style is: the Cutting Edge (61% dark, 42% spontaneous, 31% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top. Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi The 3-Variable Funny Test! - it rules - If you're interested, try my best friend's best test: The Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Masterpiece

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 73% on darkness You scored higher than 40% on spontaneity You scored higher than 43% on vulgarity

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Somehow I think I'm slightly more vulgar than that, but whate'er. I'm glad I still have a sense of humour today, what with being such a big, fat softie that I've been completely devastated by Loaner Cat going home.

Sigh. So a dyke walks into a bar with a cat on her head...

Cock Pop

No, it's not some naughty lolly you'd find in Spencer Gifts or some mangled Engrish Japanese sports drink. I'm talking about music - the kind by male-led bands that are on the border of Cock Rock and Pop. You see, I finally configured our damn computer to run two separate instances of iTunes - and trust me, getting this to work is a real bitch. M & I had been sharing one library of all our music, and one more surprise Ani DiFranco marathon on my iPod and I was going to hunt down and garotte all spoken-word performers within a 10-mile radius... which, come to think of it, should be on my to-do list, anyway.

At any rate, now we can store 50 squillion hours of music and video on the ol' hard drive but have our own separate libraries. This means that, while we can sample each other's music, we can both concentrate on what we each like. Although we share some tastes, there are always selections that make the other's eyes roll. For example, I enjoy Barbra and Judy, but only in limited doses when the mood strikes me, whereas my nearly non-discriminatory hoarding of 70s and 80s pop based on the good, so-bad-it's-good or hey-I-remember-that-vaguely standard drive her crazy ("Oh, good - Amy Ray is emoting to another 15-minute lame-ass guitar solo again," "OK - Run, Joey, Run. Need I say more?").

The cool thing is, since I've got the iPod I've been immersing myself in music more than I had in years. I had dreams of stardom and used to perform in coffeehouses and do sound editing for some really awful bands in college, but was far too self-critical and perfectionist, so I couldn't hack public performance in the long run. I stopped listening to music very much because I wasn't over the pain of having dropped that dream, yet. M has gone through similar issues, having been a music performance major with serious talent who emotionally beat herself into temporary vocal chord issues. But now that we have access to more music, we're both really enjoying it. Plus, as we're newly able to load lots of our own preferences, what we really like to listen to comes to light.

Hence, my new phase. I'd been listening to a lot of folk-rock and 80s pop for a while, and I have Kanye on there just like everybody else, but now I'm starting to get interested in some more current pop/rock bands. Some stuff is "alterna" (whatever that means nowadays), but I'm learning that, at least recently, I have a predilection for male rock/pop. It shouldn't be surprising, having spent my childhood listening to my brother's Cars albums and my sister's Squeeze tapes, then my teenage years immersed in groups ranging from New Romantic to Hair Rock like Duran Duran, The Cure, The Smiths and Def Leppard (with house, metal, goth, punk and proto hip-hop on the side) that I'd have this weakness. It only follows that I'd eventually end up downloading bands like Green Day, Vertical Horizon, The All-American Idiots and Third Eye Blind. Because, come on, "Stacey's Mom" is basically a remake of "Just What I Needed", if you get right down to it. I've even been sampling the heavily popular Fall Out Boy, but mostly on the basis that my friend worked on their video. The small problem is - I'm somewhat embarrassed. After all, isn't this that big, bad commercial radio I'm supposed to be too smart for? No, it's not Aaron Carter (or whoever the kids are listening to nowadays), but it is rather frat-boy middle-America. Of course, today's frat boy is probably listening to more rap than pop/rock, but I'm sure it still exists out there, mainly as what we used to call "college music" or "alternative" stations for teens and twenty-somethings who don't want to be "too black."

I suppose it doesn't matter - what we like is what we like. A difficult part of being semi-intellectual is feeling it's plebian to like anything that isn't deeply meaningful or, at the opposite side of the spectrum, so laughable as to be trash camp. So sue me, I like Cock Pop. I love The Darkness and their Queen-derivative ways and I think Maroon 5 is kinda catchy. And I'm not totally down with my girlfriend when, after playing John Mayer's first record to death when we first discovered it (being from Georgia, he was a local find she'd seen at Eddie's Attic for her), it was decided he had sold out and become overplayed by the time his second rolled around. I mean, there's part of me that thinks that way, but hey, he still sounds similar and you know what? Good for him for making a buck. Really.

So, do I have to turn in my queer card for being too Middle America? Well, I doubt they'd ever let me live in Williamsburg, anyway. We all have our guilty pleasures, and it's time I came out about it. Besides, Foo Fighters? Totally awesome when you're working out, dude.

[Note: this isn’t the long, semi-meaningful post I’ve been alluding to recently. That should be up soon.]