Linebackers on Logo

Halfbacks on Here! And, of course, Backs on Bravo. Time to queer up the NFL, people.

Why? Well, first of all, none of my friends will watch football with me. Now, I could go out and make some more straight boy, sports-loving friends, but... no. So I got to thinking, what would induce some of my peers to root, root, root for the home team with me? How about a little porn?

This occured to me while watching the Jets/Patriots game on Sunday. Two cute, little jock/twink looking quarterbacks duking it out, looking very touch-me-in-the-prep-school-locker-room boyish and all. What if, at the end of each game, the loser had to bottom (or top) for the winner, on camera in the locker room?

Tom & Chad in: "Illegal Formation!"

Instant porn hit, I tell ya! And not just for the gay boys, who, after all, already have piles of straight jock/locker room porn. I'd say, judging from the Internets, that there's a good number of women, slash-fic afficionados and just dirty girls, who would look forward to the all-American sport of men slamming violently into each other if it was followed by a real high-stakes game, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. And think of the relationships that could be formed: lover battling lover on the field for the big game! Why, you've got fodder for three or four poorly acted, angst-ridden softcore soap operas right there.

Plus, the ads would be so much more fun. It wouldn't be just beer, beer, car, car insurance, beer. It would be beer, beer, car, Altlantis cruises, Black Party, car insurance, beer.

So whaddya think? Oh, and don't worry. It doesn't always have to be the quarterbacks. I mean, for the Bears/Giants, Rex Grossman is acceptable, but you've gotta substitute Tiki Barber for Eli Manning. That boy belongs on the Sexiness IR list.