Disjointed

In case anyone has been wondering why I have slowed my posting pace: First, thanks for caring, and second, it's because I have been hella busy at work lately, what with an office move, new boss, new projects, major redesign, etc., etc. So, anything I am going to vomit out right now is going to be pretty much scattershot and nonsensical. Deal with it.

And if you didn't notice, poo on you, anyway!

When My Heart, Brain & Spleen Broke

Mrs. Nator & I watched the first half of When The Levees Broke last night, and day-um. I've long had a certain kind of disdain for Spike Lee's style of direction (not to mention his atrocious acting and huge ego that dictates he insert himself in his own films whenever possible), but so far this documentary is very well done. Of course, the material is incredibly profuse and powerful, but his interviews and editing have been excellent.

Naturally, watching the tragedy all over again in a clearly laid-out way was heart-rending. I will never, never be able to comprehend how Bush hasn't been impeached for the mishandling of "aid" before, during and after Katrina, alone (to say nothing of his myriad other impeachable offenses), much less Chertoff at least being drummed out of Washington. I find myself so very angry that I don't know what to do, and that anger curdles into a nausea-inducing morass of impotence, mourning and shame as I consider the continuing political ineptitude and heartless, willfully stupid "leadership" of this country, along with so many citizens' apathy about or endorsement of it. I mean, RAGE.

And while we were watching last night, another sickening thought occured to me. What if the reason so little has been done to rebuild the region damaged by Katrina so far not is not mere incompetence and political bullshit, but because the government was waiting for the next hurricane season - this hurricane season - to come around and wreak havoc again, allowing them to point out that clearly there was nothing more they could have done in the first place, and now they might as well not rebuild at all (especially the poor, black sections)? I mean, after all, all those resontruction and aid funds should be going towards some new, overpriced and preposterous defense program for the War on Terra, right?

Oliver Stone, I am waiting for you to make this movie.

Yul Send Me

After all that, I had to cleanse my mind before I went to bed, so I watched the first half of the classic western The Magnificent Seven. First of all, when watched in a modern context, are those old movies not the gayest things ever? And secondly, was Yul Brynner the hottest man alive, or what?

Finale

Now I can go to my happy place, by reading up on just how awesome mother nature is, when we humans aren't fucking her or ourselves over via her with our stupid-ass schemes. In other words, the manatee roolz, yo!

Hope y'all are well. If all goes according to plan, when the week is over I will be getting an aromatherapy massage in a quaint seaside village, pre-manta-ray-snorkel. How about you?

Hell Is For Children

At least that's what Pat Benatar said. I figure that since I've the personality of an overeducated preteen, that means me.

I mean, as Ken pointed out in this recent comment to me, there is a reason I'm depressed, lately, besides my stressful job and my paint-fume-crazed girlfriend (and perverted cats). It's the end of summer, and not only are we at war, still, again, and possibly exponentially, but it's time to observe the anniversaries of both the WTC attack and the Katrina tragedy. Fun!

Given all that, I could not be forced to watch Shrub's press conference. Yet, once more I have to thank the mighty powers that be for The Daily Show, which actually made watching clips of the "President" actually livable and, well, hilarious. Watch now if you haven't...

In truth, I thought I'd have to bleach my eyes after the "Double Horrible Fantasy" bit, but the tears of laughter sufficed. Unfortunately, I was then able to see the horror of the commercial that appeared a bit later. Have you seen it?

Yes, it's "The National Collector's Mint" annual coin "commemorating" 9/11. Oh, yes, there are more. Two of my personal favourites being the "Let's Roll" and "Leadership" editions.

Yeeessssss.

In case you're wondering, this is also the National Collector's Mint that had to withdraw it's offer for the 2004 9/11 coin because NY State Attorney General Eliot Spitzer's office sued them for fraudulent claims that the coin was "legal tender" and "silver". The mint was fined, and the investigation still never determined whether the thin layer of silver plating actually came from the WTC site. And yet, here they are again, with a product and commercials tackier and more strident than ever. Lovely.

One has to wonder what's next...

Sorry, no time for Photoshop niceties.

In other words, we are all going to Hell, children. Each and every one of us, if we're not already there.

Ms. Crankypants Has Entered The Building

1. I feel like crap. I've been feeling more run down each day, recently, and today I feel as though I'm ill, or haven't slept for days (although I have, a reasonable amount). I don't know if it's hormones, or what, but it's not good.

2. Mrs. Nator has also been feeling off, and she's also snippy because she's undertaken remodelling our hallway this week herself, taking the week off to do it. While I appreciate her efforts very much, I don't think it's fair to be resentful of me not helping when I'm spending my days working at what is currently a rather stressful job.

3. Speaking of stressful, I just learned that they will be moving me and all my accoutrements to a cubicle on another floor on Friday, a day I had scheduled off. This means that not only am losing out on having an office with a door and a bit of sunlight (albeit from across the hall), but I have to pack everything up posthaste while we are in the middle of an entire redesign of our site. The kicker is, even this move may be temporary, so besides not knowing where I'm supposed to be when I come back in on Tuesday, I don't know if I should even bother to settle in, because I don't know if I'll be staying there.

and, last but not least,

4. It looks like we are going to cancel my birthday celebrations for this weekend - both the snorkel expedition and the stay at the beach. Between both of us feeling crappy and a weather forecast of four straight days of thunderstorms, it seems best to try again for Labor Day weekend. I think I'll still take the days off, because I clearly need to take care of myself a bit, but I am disappointed and feeling overdramatically petulant about the whole thing.

Grumble, grumble, whiiiiine! Now, go away, unless you have a heated massager and/or chocolate.

The Good, The Bad and… Well, The Good and The Bad

Bad: Mrs. Nator & I recently learned that the time has come for her 93 year old grandmother to be moved to a place where she can get 24 hour care. Everyone is grieving over it, but it has become necessary for her health, as well as Mother-in-law Nator’s health, as she does a lot of caretaking on top of her full time job. Nannie hasn’t been told yet, so here’s hoping everything goes as well as it possibly can, under the circumstances.

Good: Mrs. Nator has sprung another surprise birthday gift on me! Since we most likely won’t be able to afford or fit in a trip to Maine to visit our family friend, she has booked a place in exotic Long Beach, NY for us to stay after the big snorkel. We haven’t made it to the beach nearly enough this summer, and we cold both use a romantic getaway, so this is just wonderful. Ain’t she somethin’?

Good: My friends made it home from World Pride in Israel safe! And there were no attacks by orthodox Jews or Muslims!

Bad: A bunch of queer idiots started their own scuffle with the police, causing one of the organizers to get injured and arrested. Nice, people.

Good: Manatees! Cute, gentle, amazing manatees!

Bad: Manatees in New York! Evil harbingers of increasing global warming! Manatees, go home!

Okay, not really. You're just too darn cute.

So You Think You Can Be A Repressed Homosexual?

My God, all this time I was rooting for Benji to win on So You Think You Can Dance, and now that he did I learn all sorts of new things from his wiki bio.

Forget the parts where we learn that he won the US Open dancing championships with Heidi as his partner 8 times (and who knew that Dmitry was Heidi’s current competitive dance partner?). There are so many jaw droppers in these few sentences that I don’t know WHAT to do:

“Schwimmer left the dancing scene at the top of his class to serve a two year LDS mission in the Mexican state of Oaxaca. He has subsequently founded the charity organization Dancers Everywhere Making a Noticeable Difference (D.E.M.A.N.D.) for helping orphans in southern Mexico.He is also Ross(From "Friends")'s cousin.

In an interview for Entertainment Weekly, he revealed that he has been cast as Fred Astaire in an upcoming motion picture.

Upon his return to the United States, whereupon he learned that his fiancee had broken up with him (he states that he learned this by seeing her wedding invitation, and noting that his name wasn't on it), Schwimmer turned back to dancing. “

OH MY GOD! HE’S A REPRESSED GAY MORMON!!! AAAAUGH!!!

The fiancée story is priceless. One can only hope that, while in Hollywood, shooting his alleged film, he will discover his true nature.

Damn, I thought he was Jewish. I mean, his cousin “Ross”, is…

PoMo Posting?

So, since I have been too busy working, massaging myself after my ridiculous kickboxing workout and commenting on other people's blogs, I wonder if it can count as a post if I just link to those comments.

Does it give some kind of collage-like picture of what I'm thinking, or is it just lazy? What do you think?

Life Imitates Art?

I was contemplating checking out the Girodet exhibition at the Met Museum, when I came across this painting:

Scene from a Deluge

It makes one wonder if this isn’t some sort of sly prelude to the coming New Orleans after the Flood exhibition. If only all the people in the painting were brown, eh?

I’m hoping to get out to the Hopper exhibit at the Whitney, too. Which begs the question, is Spike Lee going to use any references to Nighthawks in his upcoming documentary?

Yes, I know I’m going to hell, thank you.

Friday Cat Blogging: Teh Sexy

1. Attitude is Teh Sexy

2. Alertness is Teh Sexy* 3. Is hiding under the bed Teh Sexy?

*Update: Maurice was selected as yesterday's featured model on the famous and wonderful Carnival of Cats. So he clearly is Teh SOOOPER Sexy.

Help! I’ve Been Memed!

This has never happened to me before. I feel kind of dirty, but I like it…

Per Hanuman’s request, here are my answers to the Book Meme:

1. One book you have read more than once:

Only one? The Lord of The Rings trilogy. Yes, I am just that geeky. And damn, that’s actually three books. But there are lots more books I’ve read more than once, and I have graphic novels I’ve read umpteen times.

I do, of course, have to give mention to Awakening to Animal Voices by Dawn Baumann Brunke, because not only have I read it several times, but I contributed to it!

2. One book you would want on a desert island:

I have to concur with the popular, if imaginary, "Surviving on an Island for Dummies” or “The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Building A Radio Contact System From Coconuts”.

3. One book that made you laugh:

Hmm… I’m not an easy laugh, but David Sedaris gets me, sometimes. The Santaland Diaries, which are in both Barrel Fever and Holidays on Ice are a classic.

4. One book that made you cry:

On the other end of the spectrum, I am a very easy cry. If I am in an off mood or it’s a particular time of month, just looking at an envelope from an animal support organization can send me into a protracted weeping spell. Life of Pi, by Yann Martel, definitely made me cry - especially the ending, which really upset me. But seriously, there are some books, like When Elephants Weep: The Emotional Lives of Animals, that I read maybe one chapter of and put down, never to pick up again, because it made me bawl hysterically.

So, basically any book where an animal or someone’s mother dies, or there is a deep but difficult love, or passages inspiring one to re-evaluate one’s life and become one with the natural universe. Or in which people are mean. Or… well, you get the picture…

5. One book you wish you had written:

For back royalties, the Bible. Heh. But seriously, The Passion, by Jeanette Winterson. One of my all time favourite books, plus, it would get me in good with all the lovely lesbian ladies, if you know what I’m saying, and I think you do.

6. One book you wish had never been written:

Hard to top “anything written by Ann Coulter,” except by maybe “the Bible”, because it has been so misunderstood, misused and improperly contextualized over the millennia, and caused so much mishegoss. Yeah, I said it. So, there.

7. One book you are currently reading:

To The Ends of The Earth: The Selected Travels of Paul Theroux. I enjoy good travel writing, and I’d been told this is a good sampler to get acquainted with Theroux’s travel book style. So far, I am very much enjoying it.

8. One book you have been meaning to read:

Oh, jeez, my Amazon wish list is something like 12 pages long, so how am I supposed to decide? I probably should start reading biology, psychology and zoology texts to prepare for going back to school and deciding what program interests me most. Along those lines, I’ve been meaning to read Kicked, Bitten, and Scratched: Life and Lessons at the World's Premier School for Exotic Animal Trainers by Amy Sutherland and The Moral Animal: Why We Are, the Way We Are: The New Science of Evolutionary Psychology by Robert Wright.

9. One Book That Changed Your Life:

Dummies 101: HTML, circa 1995 or 96. Geeky? Yes. But it’s not what you think. You see, if I’d never learned HTML, I wouldn’t have my job, and if I didn’t have my job, I never would have met Mrs. Nator, who worked in a different department at the same organization. Meeting Mrs. Nator changed my life in more wonderful ways than just about anything else that ever happened to me, to say the least. (I know – AWWW!)

10. Now Tag 5 bloggers:

Helen at The Ninth Circle of Helen

Qenny at Qenny's Virtual Gob

Palochi at... Palochi

Lynette at Notes on My Life

First Nations at Paul. Because 'Paul' is a nice name.

Have at it, Meme-ettes!

The Horror

Not a lot of time to post today, kiddies. I am a victim of:

1. A very crazy day at work.

2. Recovering from some friends' birthday party for their one-year old... and said party was FULL OF BABIES!!!

3. Recovering from shock after I realized this morning that Mrs. Nator & I had completely forgotten that the So You Think You Can Dance tour went on sale this past Saturday, and is now SOLD OUT.

Fortunately,

1. The work day is over.

2. I am presently baby-free.

3. There is eBay.

You all may now resume your normal activities.

I Don't Think You Can Dance (or, A Trip With Da Nator)

Listen, bitches. Whatever kind of lame-ass, half-hearted anti-rain dance y'all did for me yesterday - you got it backwards! Sheesh.

First, Mrs. Nator got a migrane. Fortunately, the lovely Liz Van Liz was able to join me for the Twilight Tour at the last moment. And I do mean last moment, 'cause she was late. So, I amused myself by taking lots of artsy-ass photographs, like this:

Then we had some wine and cheese, while the first boat ride went. Then we had some wine and cheese. Wiiiiine and cheeeese...

Then it did this:

So, no boat ride for us, and no bat hunting. We saw one brown bat shoot by just before the heavens burst, but that was it. While we waited out the storm, Liz Van Liz was kind enough to interpret for us what the bats might have looked like, had they not all drowned in the deluge.

Then, because I refused to meander through the entire park in the dark, we walked for approximately five hundred and twenty-six hours to get to the Slope.

Then we had ice cream.

The End!

Friday Cat Blog: Don't Drink & Groom Edition

Hey whatsha...? I feel a lil wooshy...

Mebbe I better lie.. ohhh...

...zzzZZZNORNK!

Update: This here post has been Carnivalized!

Rain, Rain, Go Away

Because I have our Twilight Tour of Prospect Park - the last of the summer - reserved for tonight, and I want to see me some bats and wood ducks without getting soaked.

So, if any of you have any kind of anti-rain dances or spells you can put into effect for the Brooklyn area, it would be most appreciated.

Also? No exploding planes, please. Thanks very much.

Bring Me My Lab Coat

You know you are a big geek when you find yourself awake just before sunrise, and can't go back to sleep because it's suddenly become a pressing question just which angles on the North/South East/West axes your windows face.

You know you are a giant goofball, as well, when, instead of, say, getting up and looking at a map, or even out the window, you instead become absorbed in the little animated cartoon map your mind is drawing of your house's location, the sun, and a compass, complete with ridiculous sound effects.

In all fairness, I blame Mr. Wizard, Bill Nye and Beakman. I bet if I go back to school I'll have to make sound effects while peering into the microscope or performing dissections.

My professors are going to love me!

Ol' Grey Lungs

Congratulate me, children. Today marks the fifth anniversary of my quitting smoking!

What I no longer look like. Well, at least I don't have the cigar.

Yes, five years ago today I kicked that devil tobacco - cold turkey, no less. I'd like to say it was because I finally realized that by then I'd been smoking on and off for over half of my life, or that I came to the conclusion that I loved myself just too damn much to pollute my body anymore. In fact, however, I would have to say that most of it had to do with Mrs. Nator ramping up the anti-smoker abuse on me. There's more than one reason that I love her.

Am I now eating and exercising like I really should? No. But at least I've notched five years sans death sticks in my extra-large belt.

Hey, aren't we all just works in progress?

Pointless Potpourri

You Learn Something New Every Day, Dept.

Former MTA information site mtainfo.com is no longer an MTA information site. In the words of clever Mrs. Nator:

So, “How are you going to get to heaven?” Certainly not on the B63, my friend.

It’s a Manhattanatee!

In case you haven't heard, a supersized manatee has recently been sighted in the Hudson River. According to the Internets, he or she has now been spotted as far north as Sleepy Hollow, just north of the Tappan Zee. Local naturalists are puzzled, as these gentle and endangered creatures are rarely seen this far north.

In an exclusive interview, said the manatee, “what’s the big deal? I was just going to visit my friend Rocky the Risso Dolphin. I hear he got sprung outta the hospital a little while ago…”

Meanwhile, off Perth, Australia, an extremely rare albino whale calf has been spotted. Are all these odd aquatic mammal sighting signs of the End Days? Representatives of Busch Entertainment Corporation deny rumours that SeaWorld star Shamu the orca was heard to have stated "albino whale calf - the other white meat!"

Man Wombmine Ray

Finally, if any of you are interested, having wandered around my neighbourhood this past Sunday, I just put a buttload of new photos up in the "Brooklyn Wanderings" section of my Flickr pages. Please, if you have the time and inclination, take a look at them. Some of them I've done more than one version, fiddling in-camera or Photoshop. Let me know what you like, what you don't, and what changes could make them better. (Psst! This especially means you, Dope.)

Ciao, bellas...

Sundry

You Learn Something New Every Day Dept.

If you happen to fall down the stairs when you are, say, running to catch a train while wearing flip-flops (just as the MTA safety posters warn you not to do), an effective method of slowing your fall is to grab a firm hold on a fat man’s ass.

In the future, you may want to consider actually knocking said rotund individual beneath you, to better cushion your fall.

Lezzies and Stingrays and Bats, Oh My!

I was already looking forward to our scheduled Twilight Tour of Prospect Park next week, wherein we might see fauna such as herons, wood ducks and bats. Then, Mrs. Nator decided to spring on me what we’ll be doing for my birthday this year.

Allegedly because she wanted to know how many people I thought she should invite, and whether I wanted to get a better underwater camera – but more likely because Mrs. Nator cannot stand keeping a secret when she’s excited – she informed me that we are going to be snorkeling with sand sharks, stingrays, and tropical fish from around the world! Yes, we are going to the Atlantis Marine World Aquarium between the forks of Long Island for the day, where we will check out the exhibits and explore the 80,000-gallon Shark Reef Lagoon. Sure, I have snorkeled with dolphins, green turtles and other tropical fish in Hawaii and Costa Rica, but I never got to do the night-time ray dive I wanted to do, and I’ve certainly never swum with sharks! This should be a lot of fun, in that we can get close contact with these fascinating animals, as well as touring the rest of the Aquarium.

But that’s not all! We’ll also be having a dinner with friends, and then, possibly in February, we will be getting a behind-the-scenes tour of the affiliated facility at The Riverhead Foundation for Marine Research and Preservation. This means we will get to meet some of the vets, scientists and other caregivers who rescue and rehabilitate animals who become sick, injured or stranded in the area, such as seals, turtles and dolphins. We will be going in February because that is high season for strandings, so we are most likely to be able to see animals and how they’re treated. This is a wonderful opportunity for me, not only because I find it fascinating, in general, but because I am strongly considering going back to school to study animal care and/or behaviour. So, not only will I be able to check out exactly what goes on at such a facility, but I may be able to ask related questions of the staff, and possibly discuss volunteer and intern possibilities. I am so totally stoked! (You can tell by the way I revert to my teenage slang.)

So, in summary: WOOOO! And also, do I not have the best girlfriend ever? She knows and loves me so well.

Now how in hell can I get her a meeting with Rufus Wainwright for her birthday?

Opa!

Alas, my alternate girlfriend Natalie was eliminated from So You Think You Can Dance last night. I was not really surprised, considering her pairing with Ivan (who deserved to have been eliminated earlier), her previous placements and the judges’ tongue-lashings. I’m not very disappointed, either, as it seems that, at this stage of the game, not only is pretty much everyone good enough to be the final winner, but some of them seem exhausted, injured and ready to be finished. In fact, Heidi, who seemed like something of a dark horse for a while, has looked to be the only one of the girls with any real energy left for the past couple weeks.

So, as the very classy Natalie said, “opa!” We look forward to seeing her on the tour. I’m sure she has a fine career ahead of her, both as a dancer and an actress.

As for the rest? I’m still convinced Benji is going to win, and I definitely think he should. His talent, attitude and star power are all outstanding, as much as I like all the others.

And Mia? No longer my alternate girlfriend number two. She may be dykey, cute and an amazing choreographer, but she is just too damn pretentious and mean. She can call me when she gets a little less full of herself. In the meantime, I’ll entertain myself by wondering what would happen were she and Jackie Warner of Work Out were to meet…

And finally,

It's Getting Cooler! Woo-Hoo!

Maybe I can actually get to the beach this weekend...

Cheers, yall.

Friday Cat Blog - Spooooky Edition!

Oh, no - it's the Phantom Pheline!

Since the ever-elusive Doodle is even more elusive when it comes to getting her in the sights of my new camera (she's positively frightened by it), this is the best I can do for now. It does, however, acurately portray the way she unpredictably appears out of nowhere, and disappears just as quickly.

Hot In Herrre

Or, What My Weather Pixie Should Truly Look Like

Search Of The Day Award

Goes to the lucky person who got to this blog by searching for "horse dick". Your prize is this photo of a horse with the biggest dick of them all, Dick Cheney!

Come to think of it, would photos of bestiality be any more disturbing?

Ciao, Wino

Ingredients of Ciao, Bella More in Vino sorbet:

• Blackberry puree
• Sugar
• Filtered water
• Corn syrup
• Cabernet Wine
• A touch of cognitive dissonance

Result = empty pint container + two dykes who smell like dipsos

Foto-Fu

This should cool you off.