Wednesday, November 10, 2004

An Open Letter to Canada

Dear Canada,

Please invade us. The USA clearly presents a threat to you as our neighbouring nation, a threat that has already begun to spread to the rest of the world. Our megalomaniacal leader has attacked sovereign nations and occupied lands, killed, tortured and held prisoners in violation of the Geneva conventions and set up a fundamentalist regime through intimidation and subterfuge. His plans include further subjugation of minorities, women and the poor and escalating production of the most lethal weapons of mass destruction - weapons which we already have more of than anybody else in the world. Clearly, we are a dangerous power and force of terror.

However, there is some good news. We're weak at home right now, with our troops strung out in extended deployments overseas. A sizable number of our people might welcome you. We may be willing not only to submit, but even to symbolically topple any statues or monuments to the tyrannical party in power.

So, come on down, Canada, and "democratize" us. We cannot be a free country without the basic benefits and rights you enjoy, like universal health care, multiple party representation and marriage for all citizens regardless of gender - not to mention free speech and free elections! The only reasons not to do so are the bloodshed, death and horror it would cause, the condemnation of other nations you would face and the fact that to invade another country for your own purposes while professing to represent its population's best interests would be the wrong thing to do. But hey - details, details. If we can do it, why not you?

Yours sincerely and in hope,

49% of the Population of the United States

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