10. Move Howard Dean down to Texas, where he develops a funny accent and swagger. Run ad campaign insisting he's just a good ol' regular boy from down home on the ranch. Teach him about ten words in Spanish and do a photo op at a NASCAR race. Must utter the word "God" at least twice in each speech.
9. Start "disappearing" key fundamentalists. Instigate rumours that the rapture has begun. Hire a guy who looks like Jesus to appear with special effects. Tell the followers that The Kingdom is somewhere in Siberia.
8. Recruit candidates from reality show contestants. Country may get behind "President Rupert" or Dennis Kucinich - EXTREME MAKEOVER!
7. Campaign to replace American Eagle with Coors Twins.
6. Release "discovered" video from "hotel cam" of Dick Cheney and Karl Rove engaged in homosexual acts.
5. Ditto Osama bin Laden and Ashcroft.
4. Free gun and Bible with every vote!
3. Two words: Mind Ray.
2. George Soros buyout of Walmart and Cracker Barrel.
and the number 1 way for the DNC to stage a comeback:
Tell the fucking truth about what the administration is doing to to our country!!!