America, Prepare To Feel My Wrath

For reals, if I see Natalie in the bottom two of So You Think You Can Dance again, I just don’t know what I might do. While my mini-crush on Mia Michaels involves a certain frisson of fear based on her crazy-choreographer bitchiness, Natalie manages to be naturally funny, a balls-out amazing dancer, scorchingly sexy and downright sweet as pie. In other words? She is my new alternate girlfriend, so don’t mess with Ms. N. You have been warned.

Also, if Natalie wasn’t on last night? I never would have imitated her and made the meaningful self-discovery that I, too, can make each booty cheek jump individually. (I can do it with my pecs, too. I may be fat, but underneath? Cynthia Rothrock, baby.)

Otherwise, great show last night. I’m glad to see everyone loves Benji as much as I do, and it was a satisfying surprise to see the show’s “hunk,” Dmitry, voted off over Ryan (who I’m sure is next to go down, but still). Annie Barrett has a review up at EW that spookily covers much of what I was thinking, minus the crushes, so I’ll not rehash further. My main question is, how am I supposed to wait another week?